If Only Stressing Out Was a Work-Out

In anticipation of Terror Trifecta Week, I've been pretty busy. I wish stress constituted a high-calorie workout, but I'm pretty sure I'm getting larger by the day.

For example, last night I stayed in the Spare Room, which by the way does not have reliable internet, hence no post yesterday. I confess that last night I had two suppers. The first one was two slices of cold pizza devoured during class. The second one was several hours later when Legally Blond made a healthy dinner of chicken breast and vegetables. In my defense, Legally Blond's healthy chicken replaced the Papa John's pizza I wanted to order. At least, that's what I told myself as I ate my second dinner.

I had Journal meeting at 8 a.m. For breakfast, I had a piece of gum. I wasn't overly hungry... maybe because I ate two suppers. Then, for lunch I HAD to go to Buca because I had a $10 off coupon that expired today. The catch was that I had to spend $20 to get the discount. My plan was to spend $20 and pay $10. I ended up spending $30 and paying $20. (You win this round, Buca. Drat your ingenious marketing and well-thought out profit scheme). Needless to say, my spaghetti and pop and bread and calamari (and salad!) weighed heavy on my gut and my pocketbook.

By early afternoon I needed a distraction. So THH and I walked to Caribou to spend our $5 giftcards that we won in class yesterday. Five dollars gets you a large Ho Ho Dark Mint Mocha. Did I need a large? No. But it was free. It was there. I drowned my stress in 20 oz. and 640 calories of chocolaty goodness.

The pendulum swung, and I didn't eat supper. At the normal time anyways. I was feeling a little guilty, but mostly busy preparing for my pretend pretrial. So I compensated by driving back North and eating some comfort food - a bowl of minute rice and cheddar cheese, with an egg nog/milk cocktail. I love carbs.

So here I sit, reflecting upon my horrible dietary choices, full of starch and food-remorse. But that's the thing... I'm not really remorseful. If I was truly upset, I would change! But I don't. WHAT DOES IT MEAN? Maybe its the egg nog talking, but I'm beginning to lose hope in my free to be me dreams. Perhaps I'm destined to be trapped by my own lack of self-control...destined to eat myself to death...and fail law school...and live all alone, with pasta as my only friend...

I think I need to go to bed.


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Which Bulb Is Broken?

Dear Future Family,

We were in a hurry today, and didn't do a very good job of packing up the Christmas decorations. We realize this will eventually cause you considerable problems, but we are OK with that today.

Sincerely,

Family of January 2010

Insurance Plans for Personal Stupidity

Today I went Christmas shopping at the T-mobile store. The first time Husband and I purchased phones for the kids, we learned we would get a great deal on new phones for renewing our contract. The kids were very surprised when they opened up their new phones on Christmas morning.

Two years later, when our contract needed to be renewed, we got new phones for Christmas, and allowed the teenager to pick out the one he wanted. We made him leave the store when we actually bought it, and then put it under the tree.

But this year, being the end of a two-year cycle, the teenager knew it was time for a new phone. We dispensed with the act and let him and daughter stay as we purchased the phones.

My negotiating lawyer skills were on overdrive. Faux Christmas shopping (when there is no surprise and everyone knows what they are getting) is not magical, and makes me a little crabby. I first asked the manager, a blond kid in his mid-twenties, if we could get some kind of special discount for being such long-term customers. He said no. But persistence pays off, and a later request for free accessories got me some minor fees waved. Good enough.

My finest moment was when we were checking out with J-man, the best customer service rep I've had in a long time. J-man charmed the bitchy lawyer right out of me, responding to my cross-examination questions on fees, prices and plans with a smile. At one point he explained the tethering policy, and how the phone warranty did not cover meltdowns resulting from unauthorized platform use. We were discussing the insurance plan for the phones, and in a moment of lawyer-smugness I asked, "What events does this policy NOT cover? Will it cover all acts of personal stupidity?"

He responded, "It covers everything but Acts of War."

I, thinking he was getting back to this tethering policy regarding unauthorized platforms, and wanting to show my mainstream media prowess, said, "Oh, you mean the computer game?"

Husband, teenager, and J-man looked at me with their mouths open. Husband broke the silence.

"No, he means if you throw your phone to protect yourself from a bullet."

J-man followed up with "If you're planning to go to the Middle-East, leave your phone at home."

Apparently the phone's insurance plan can't cover all my acts of personal stupidity.


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Black Friday 2011

Black Friday 2009, Teenager and I left the house in a hurry. We were late; we were supposed to pick up ChoirFriend five minutes prior, and then pick up the Teenager's new girlfriend. I was looking through my purse and running out the door when my Doc Martin's slipped on the frosty deck. I tried to catch myself and was somewhat successful - I planted my right leg, but the rest of me kept falling. I heard the snap. Husband and I barreled down country roads. To the hospital. For my broken leg.

Black Friday 2010, ChoirFriend swung into the driveway at 7:45 a.m. We were in a hurry. We weren't late, but that might be because ChoirFriend learned from last year and decided she would pick me up. I hopped into the car just after 8 a.m., and we barreled down the freeway. To the hospital. For ChoirFriend's chemo treatment.

ChoirFriend and I are not very happy with spending two consecutive Black Fridays in the hospital. We decided that Black Friday 2011, we are going to take full advantage of the day. We are going to get up early, be crazy shoppers, and make Teenager go with us to the Cheesecake Factory and a movie. Until then...

Where's the Turkey?

Somewhere in this photo is a turkey, made out of funyuns and held together with EZ cheese. Where's the turkey?

It was a fabulous Thanksgiving. The food was good, and the company and laughter was even better. I spent most of the afternoon in tears, laughing at stories or games or whatever silly thing happened at that moment. I really couldn't have asked for a better Thanksgiving.

A hint on the turkey: Famous Diva made it to decorate the top of her green bean casserole.

Happy Thanksgiving!