Gross right? My thoughts exactly. It started fun, as most eventual bad life choices do. It started as having enough money to eat out every weekend. Lunches with friends. Dinners with the then-boyfriend, now husband.
Then the dryer started freaking out on my clothes. And when I pulled my summer clothes out of storage, the Rubbermaid container had some sort of shrinking effect. And when I pulled jeans on again in the Fall, they were all tight jeans...
But who doesn't gain a little wait after college, right? Sadly, I've already done this cycle once - in 2007 I lost 20+ pounds. Weightwatchers freed me then. But major life changes, including increased access to Fabulous lunch destinations, has made the past three year ever so disgustingly delicious.
The stretch marks were an old friend - when they came back, I wasn't too surprised. But the back pain I have developed is horrible. I broke my leg, and I can't help but think my poor bone just couldn't handle the weight. And most recently, lying on the doctor's bed with my lower half covered by the pink sheet, the doctor poking around "there," gave "it" a direct tap (ouch!) and confirmed my fears... I had a hemorrhoid. GROSS. And hemorrhoids, while caused by many things including pregnancy and constipation (of which I am neither), is also caused by being overweight, saith the doctor. Is this really something a woman aspiring to 30 should have to worry about?
Weight loss is my first big "goal" in 350 - not (solely) because I want to look more socially attractive, but also because I want to be healthy. I want to live life to the full, and that doesn't happen when you're 30 pounds overweight. I'm currently 5'6" and 185 pounds. And not big boned. Big Buddha belly, but not big boned.
In my dark moments, when I believe I am incapable of ever losing that much weight, I tell myself that it is just part of who I am. I am that cute, overweight girl. Jolly looking. I'm too busy: I'm a mom, I'm a student, I'm a wife... I can't be skinny too! And besides, I rationalize being skinny is for superficial people who care more about how they look than about what really matters: personality and character.
But I realize it is my gluttonous, indulgent character that has caused this problem: excessively eating out, general overeating of pasta and foods I love, and absence of exercise that ruined my previous victory over weight gain. Excess won this round; the game is tied 1-1. I need a knock-out, because I refuse to do this weight loss, weight gain cycle for the next decade. I have better things to worry about!
So this is test number one for me. I want to enter my 30's as a healthy and fit woman. I want to have energy and I want this back pain to go away! (Not to mention never having a weight-related hemorrhoid EVER AGAIN) The question will be - "how" healthy and fit? What is realistic? I want to discover what aspects of a healthy lifestyle I can actually integrate into my life - and what aspects I need to accept are just not happening.
The goal: For 10 days, I will attempt to engage in 30 minutes of exercise each day. For starters in the food arena, I will not eat when I am full. Sounds so easy.
Web Site Hit Counters
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
ReplyDeleteThis comment has been removed by the author.
ReplyDelete