Thoughts on Quest #4: Daughter Dare

I was tooling around on the internet and stumbled across the Down Syndrome Association of Minnesota. I found a bunch of very interesting articles that gave me a new perspective on daughter. This webpage about pace was very helpful, not only because it explained why daughter is the way she is sometimes, but because I felt I wasn't isolated in my frustrations.

After reading different articles on the page for a while, I realized that most of daughter's (for lack of a better words) bizarre behaviors are related to her unique way of coping with the world. She is intentionally slow at times because she is trying to cope with feeling overwhelmed. She talks to herself and her bouncy-ball toys because she lacks the internal monologue that I use when problem solving. She complains on vacation about missing school because she needs that routine for security.

Today while working on the scary room, I found husband's mother's will. Husband, daughter, and the teenager share the same mother, who passed away in 2001. Daughter was seven. In her will, the closing sentence was in reference to daughter, stating "I love her so much. What would we have all done without her?"

I feel a renewed sense of purpose in my motherhood of daughter. While I feel the teenager and I have had a good run, I fear I have not done well enough with daughter. To rephrase, the best days of our relationship are still ahead of us!


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Day 3 & 4: $11

Thursday was a free lunch, although I didn't get to enjoy it much since I was presenting with co-clerk to the rest of the firm. There were some fun moments (I like presenting) and some awkward moments (when I answered an audience question and the response was essentially, No that's not what I asked... oh, and when I was looking for something in my notes while the audience waited. And waited. And waited).

Friday was lunch out with co-clerk, funintern, and a young associate. I spent $11 on the fabulous salad bar at Skyroom. I love Skyroom because I feel like I'm making an effort to eat healthy - lettuce, broccoli, mushrooms, peas - and then I make it as unhealthy as I can with several different kinds of cheese, salad dressing, hard-boiled egg, and don't forget one or two pasta salads on the side, plus bread, and maybe even a cheesy cream soup. Sigh - Quest #1, only eat until I'm full, definitely comes into play (somewhat).

So, the week's total for four days was $13.87. I checked my receipts and on Monday I got a sandwich for $6.64, so for the week I came in at $20.51. I am happy with that number - if I could limit myself to $20 worth of lunch spending per week, Husband would be overjoyed!

Day 2: Two lunches for $2.87

My first lunch was unexpected, and free, courtesy of an office baby shower.

My second lunch, while planned, consisted of a brownie. I was meeting LawLady, and while the piggy in me could have downed a second sandwich, I held true to the quest and got an overpriced brownie. At the time, I was so proud of myself for spending so little that it didn't hit me that I was spending over $2 for a BROWNIE.

On an unrelated note, the teenager has been assigned a college roommate... from WISCONSIN. Great. Just great. :-)

Day 1: Free Lunch! (and a story about Triolade)

Today I had a free Panera lunch. I attended a professional meeting, learned about one attorney's successful case management, and took only half a cookie. I even passed up a Starbucks opportunity. Money spent today? $0

And now, a funny story about my adventure with Milka Triolade Chocolate.



I first became acquainted with Triolade while on the ferry from Dover, England to Calais, France. The kid and his girlfriend had gone shopping in the boat's store and purchased some mysterious chocolate in a purple wrapper.

It was unbelievable. A base of milk chocolate, with a white chocolate layer and topped with a triangle of darker milk chocolate. I had quite a few shares of that bar, and assumed I would purchase some during my travels.

But the mystery bars were nowhere to be found! Yes, Milka bars abounded... but no Triolade! Well, maybe not France... but Switzerland, surely. The land of chocolate, right? Apparently not. So I put our entire bus of teenagers on the lookout for my chocolate triolade bar... then finally, in a small grocery store in Seefeld, Austria, did I find a stash. Between there are the Duty Free gift shop in the Frankfurt airport, I have enough to last me throughout the rest of the year.

Husband and I discussed what the secret ingredient might be. Alpine milk, the package said... what makes a good alpine milk? Cows fed from mountain streams? Maybe its actually goat milk... or maybe...

Maybe it's cat milk.

Yes, we decided that must be it. The alpine cats produce this fabulous chocolate, and the purple cow on the package is to fool Americans. Post to this message and I'll share some of my precious Triolade with you!

Quest #7: Eat Cheap

My next 10-day quest is to see how cheaply I can eat. My lunch receipt pile is not only thick, it is dense in terms of money spent. My mom always said I had expensive taste, and sadly it has become a literal truth.

Some methods I am going to use to trim down my big lunch spending: packing a lunch (ideal), foregoing the extra sides and drinks, and using coupons, giftcards, punchcards, etc.

An optimistic bonus is that eating less expensively might translate into eating more healthy!

A quick update on the other quests:

Quest #1: 30 minutes of exercise and not eating when full. I am 0/2 today (we had macaroni and cheese and hotdogs, and there was NO mac and cheese in Europe!)

Quest #2: Punctuality. I am still riding the bus, and throughout Europe I was generally pretty punctual.

Quest #3: 12 Days of Graduation. Our last summer! Daughter tells the Lord each night that she is sad her brother is going to college. Tear!

Quest #4: The Daughter Dare. While jet lag is not good for my patience level, absence does make the heart grow fonder - In Germany, I saw a teenage girl with Down syndrome, walking very slowly as her father more or less pulled her along, and deep down I wish I was pulling my daughter around the streets of Rotenburg!

Quest #5: The Scary Room. Is still scary. Sigh!

Quest #6: Europe... was amazing!

Quest #6: Europe Summary

The month-long vacation is over - back to work and back to blogging!

At the risk of sounding trite, traveling abroad has given me an entirely new world view. Prior to this trip, I couldn't imagine traveling abroad without someone essentially holding my hand; now, I'm trying to decide whether to re-visit the countries I've already been to or to book a flight to Asia!

Regarding the quest...

1. Joystealers. I shed a few tears here and there for Grandma, but family and friends supported me and by the grace of God, I got through it.

On the way home, I did sit on a plane that waited on the runway for over an hour before taking off... I may have allowed my joy to be stolen in that instance. It was so horribly hot, and the voices of the teenagers next to me were growing louder and louder, and the little plane was getting smaller and smaller... and then the pilot tells us it will be at least another 20 minutes... I had enough! I would not be bound by this seat belt any longer! I stood up to stretch. I was told to sit down. My seat mate wanted something from the overhead compartment, so I grabbed her backpack. As I stood up to put it away, the stewardess said over the mike,

"Please remain in your seats. We ARE in line for take-off. Ma'am. MA'AM!!"

And I didn't speed up an ounce. Call it my personal form of protest to the horrid conditions I was suffering through at the hand of the airline. (The pilot just said we weren't taking off for 20 minutes, I think I'll risk my life and stand for a minute). Despite being caged in a sweltering enclosed space, I was doing far better than the group scheduled to take the second flight out of New York to Minneapolis - they found themselves heading to Atlanta since their direct flight to Minneapolis was canceled! Sadly, the Atlanta group would not reach Minneapolis until the following day.

2. Laugh Out Loud. The kid loves weapons. In Rotenburg, Germany, we went into a medieval weapon store. We thought he had reached maximum euphoria... until the shop owner came by to tell us nonchalantly that "if you want to sword fight, you go to the back and fight for free." The kid's eyes just about rolled out of his head. The shop owner and the kid sparred, and then I had a chance to try my sword-fighting skills! I did more screaming than sparring, but it was definitely fun.

Overall, while I had a fabulous experience in Europe, I wouldn't describe it as the happiest vacation of my life. Instead, it was a major growing season for me. It was a time of transition. For example, I bragged that I was going to Europe with high school kids and was going to be "16 for 16 days!" Instead, I learned that I am more like 66 - what with my back pain, my inability to adjust quickly to the 7 hour time difference, sub-par stamina when walking long distances and particularly when walking uphill in the mountains, and my fear of breaking my leg on the cobblestones. :-) In all seriousness, I did become aware of my physical limitations - some which I plan to address, but some which I accept are part of being the big three-o!

I also adjusted to the kid's independence. At first, he barely acknowledged I was on the trip with him. I was surprised at how maturely he interacted with adults, peers, and his girlfriend. But I gave him space, and by the end of the trip he was seeking me out (at times other than lunch!). He doesn't need me anymore... so it's nice to know he likes me.

3. Photos. I took 236 pictures. I should have only 192 according to my goal, meaning I took 20% more pictures than allotted. Switzerland and France pushed me over the edge - the mountains and the beautiful historical landmarks...(see above!) The kid took 480 pictures! Between our two cameras, I cut down to 416 and am printing 339.

This Europe trip came at a great time in my life - unlike my high-school counterparts, I really appreciated each tour, museum and landmark. I wanted to take in as much as humanly possible. It was liberating to see how many more options are available in life - I mean, I could move to Zermatt, where gas-powered vehicles are banned and the only (convenient) way up is via the sunnega! The Europe Quest was definitely influential in my Free To Be Me Mission.

Dear Grandma

Dear Grandma,

Thank you for reminding me that I'm special. You communicated this by the way you said my name when I first arrived at your house, by your firm, strong hugs, and by your eagerness to hear whatever I had to say. I must have always been right, because you always took my side and affirmed that he/she/they were in the wrong!

Thank you for being a woman of faith. Church was a big part of your life, and you have passed that legacy on throughout generations. Your home was filled with reminders of your faith - in the Bible by your chair, in the scriptures on the walls, in the painting of Jesus knocking on the door that hung in the basement, and all those hymnals under the stairs.

Thank you for trying to teach me the traditions of our heritage. I tried to learn how to make zwieback, but without the Grandma-standard "zwieback" bowl or the dented tin measuring cup, I fear I will always be a little off in my measurements! My eyes lack the wisdom and my hands the skill that you developed over a lifetime of cooking for your family. I will do my best to at least attempt to make popcorn balls, rice crispy easter baskets, and new year's cookies.

Thank you for my afghans. They are priceless to me. You loved your "knitting," and I know you missed it these past few years.

Thank you for the birthday cards, the Christmas gifts, and the letter you wrote when I went away to college. Such small tokens that seem relatively insignificant at the time, but are monumental when looked at over the whole.

Thank you for your love. In times like this, when the Supreme Joy-Stealer whispers that your passing is cause for grief, guilt and sorrow, I must cling to your love. Too easily my mind is filled with regret and "should have's," remorse and the pain that never again will we talk on earth. But then I remember that God was in our relationship as well. He takes my regrets, remorse and pain and covers it all in his love. God can do far beyond all that we ask or think, including allow us flawed humans to experience the forgiving, grace-filled and abundant supernatural love that is derived only from Him.

So I rejoice that my fears are resolved in Him. Whatever imperfections existed between us, by the grace of God they will be perfected someday soon. The greatest imperfection - separation from you, Grandma - will be resolved as well.

Until then,

Your Granddaughter

Quest #6: How To Get a Date In London

Bonjour! I am borrowing a computer and sitting in my bathroom, truly nothing more than a toilet in a closet, trying to maintain this tenuous internet connection.

I will start by saying I have taken 94 pictures in 7 days; by my math I should be at 84. It might be cheating because I rely on the kid to take pictures of things in an effort to keep my numbers down, but I have had the chance to REALLY see London and Paris, instead of seeing it through the lens of my camera.

Joystealers so far have been my back pain (that dang herniated disc flares up), having no cold water in my shower in London (besides being hot, with no air conditioning, the scalding water forced me to fill my tub and counter the heat with cold water from the sink that I was transferring via a small glass cup), being yelled at by a London cab driver (yes, I was trying to get into the front where I was not allowed to ride, but still) and the worst, my Grandma passing away on Saturday (I anticipated it might happen while I was gone, but it is little consolation). Related to my Grandma, I did cry today while singing, of all songs, Danny Boy... I hope you're laughing with me, it was the second verse where we sing of visiting the grave... and I lit a candle for her at Notre Dame, and while I'm sure she's not overly excited the candle is in a Catholic Church, from my perspective my Mennonite Grandma is highly qualified to be represented in that stunning chapel for a day.

And now the best parts - the laugh out loud moments!

A story well-suited for the blog is the day I decided to go out on my own to Westminster Abbey. It was an adventure getting there, including not having enough pounds and having to walk about an hour with my "mean" face to deter trouble as I walked alone through London. It was a great experience and my hippy world-traveling law school friend will be quite impressed with my adventurous spirit. I went through the church - it was awesome! But on to my story.

I needed to use the restroom. Fun fact: In many places in Europe, you pay to use public restrooms. The restroom I chose was being cleaned by a guy. Whatever, I had to go to the bathroom. So I paid my 50 pence, picked a stall, and prepared to get my money's worth. I realize the toilet paper roll is empty, so I pull it out and the full one falls down... and down... and bounces off my knees... and rolls away under the door!

So here I am, in a foreign bathroom stall in a compromised position, holding one end of the toilet paper and imagining how awkward this must look from the outside. Eventually, the bathroom attendant notices the predicament and hands me the roll under the door. Whew! I finish up and walk out. And the most random thing happens.

The bathroom attendant hits on me. The usual - what's your name, my name is Marcel, you look very nice, how long are you staying in London, etc.

Is it nice to know you've still got it? Rephrased slightly differently, is it nice to know you're getting hit on by a bathroom attendant just moments after getting your 50 pence worth of toilet time, not to mention you can't control bathroom tissue dispensation? I'm not sure what the answer is. After getting over the initial shock that yes, this was actually happening to me, I basically ran out of the bathroom.

And that's how you pick up a date in London.

Quest #6: Europe

Our bags are packed, we're ready to go... (as you can see, we are big proponents of travel Space Bags)

The Europe Trip begins tomorrow! I am now at Day 10 of my 30-Day Vacation. The house is a disaster as I unpack from the family vacation to Missouri and Choir Camp, and repack everyone for the next 16 days. Teenager and I are being picked up tomorrow at 6 a.m.; daughter is hanging out with her PCA, SpahrMom; her sister, EBunny; my sister, FamousDiva; my other sister, AngelOwner; and my mom, with help from my little brother GolfRat (who interestingly, is one year younger than my teenager) and my speech-therapist sister-in-law, SweetTalker. Husband and the dog are spending the next few weeks alone - feel free to check up on them!

I can receive text messages free of charge in Europe, but I get charged to reply, so don't be offended :-) I will try and post when I can.

The Europe-Quest Goals:

1. No joy-stealers allowed. What instantly comes to mind? Back pain, blisters, heat, sitting next to a screaming child on the eight hour flight overseas... I will persevere, I will take note to tell you about it, and then I will let it go...

2. I will laugh hard at least once a day, and hopefully laugh to tears at least once every other day.

3. I will not be a captive to my camera. My goal is to take no more than 12 pictures each day. And unused pictures DO NOT roll over.

We'll see how it goes :-)

Choir Camp Quest: High School, Part III

Much of the time, I'm very thankful that God made me, shall we say, special? I stand out in a crowd - be it my Asian-ness in rural Minnesota, the fact that I am the "mother" of an 18-year-old teenager and a 16-year-old with Down syndrome, or that I grew up a German Mennonite, graduated in a class of 13, was a Family and Consumer Science (Home-Ec. Sigh.) teacher, and am now in law school.

But it has taken a while for me to accept my unique-ness, my dorky-ness, my random-ness. One of the hardest times in my life was *duh duh dunnnn* High School. Like all other red-blooded teenagers, I just wanted to fit in! And I stuck out like a sore thumb. Another high-ranking hard time in life was *duh duh dunnnnnn* High School, Part II, when I was a high school teacher. I wanted to connect with the kids, but also wanted them to RESPECT MY AUTHORITY! In my effort to not be "too" good of friends with the kids, I pushed myself to take on the role of strict disciplinarian. You can guess how popular that made me.

As of 2005, when I left teaching, I figured I was done with high school for good. Wrong. As of July 1, I re-entered High School, Part III... as the cool kid!

At Choir Camp, I'm not a staffer, and I don't look like the other parents who are singing in the choir. Most kids stare in disbelief when I tell them I'm a parent, since they all think I look like a high school student and definitely not older than 24. I was prepared to spend most of my breaks alone, doing crossword puzzles... but I am somewhat proud to say I have been referred to as "cool" by more than one student, I'm connecting with a lot of fun (and funny) kids, and my own kid doesn't seem to mind hanging out with me either!

It only took 29 years to realize that the key to being the kind of person teenagers want to talk to is by confidently being yourself. Being a parent has helped me realize that my style of parenting is atypical but exactly what my kids needed. And that's probably why I didn't do so hot as a teacher - I was too busy trying to be somebody else. Today, a student told me I didn't act like an adult - and yes, at first I was freaked out. Was I too immature? Being too weird? Is there something wrong with me?

And then I decided to leave those insecure thoughts in my 20's - or at the very least, in the United States. I'm leaving for Europe on Tuesday as myself - my dorky, friendly and people-connecting self. If that means I don't act like an adult - oh well!