Hello! I am excited today, because for the fist time I know there is someone who actually reads my blog here and there, voluntarily. You know who you are (yes she is related to me, but no, she is not my mom), and your words today were fabulous!
Anywho, today I did a great job of not eating, because the Surgery Instructions say No food after 7:30 a.m. and no liquids after 10:30 a.m. Poor husband, I get quite crabby when I'm hungry. And I was nervous.
When I initially broke my leg and was scheduled for surgery, I was majorly OCD about it. I read everything three times and knew exactly what to expect. This time around, I took my celebrex a half hour late, arrived 10 minutes late, forgot to take my earrings and contacts out, and forgot the air cast. However, this time around I was a bit more aware of the "tricks of the trade." For example, last time I went in I was a little hyper and the anesthesiologist began talking about her leg injury while discreetly injecting me out with "pre-sedative" because I was freaking the team out with all my counting. (Whenever I'm going to be pricked with a needle I count, starting at one, to calm down. I used to make the person pricking me do it, but after they put me out as a result I decided I should just count myself. Why is it soothing? Because it takes my mind off the pain, kind of like when you count while running and when you get to 30 you can walk).
This time, I was relatively calm... until the first anesthesiologist couldn't find my vein after poking around three times. I was getting a little pissy, I said something, "No offense, but I'm beginning to lose faith in your ability to find my vein," so she brought in BOB... the same Bob who authorized putting me out last time... and yes, after trying to distract me with a story about traveling to Germany he found my vein... my last words? "I can still remember what's going on!" Bob: "Just give it a second or two"
And I woke up. That Bob, he's a tricky one.
I'm home now, still a little high from the drugs (my facebook time was filled with "like" and "I love you!"), and husband made me velveeta mac & cheese (Mac & cheese = comfort food!). I don't think my 30 minute exercise will be happening (fail x2); but the food intake has been pretty good.
Tomorrow is another day! I will exercise tomorrow!!!
Friday, April 30, 2010
Day 3: Hungry
HUNGRY!
I'm having minor surgery, so I can't eat after 7:30 a.m. My surgery is at 1:30 p.m. The goal is to not totally binge eat when I get out of surgery!
Sigh.
I'm having minor surgery, so I can't eat after 7:30 a.m. My surgery is at 1:30 p.m. The goal is to not totally binge eat when I get out of surgery!
Sigh.
Day 2
Epic Fail. I blame Dairy Queen.
I should have braved the grey weather and taken the dog for a 30 minute walk. But it might rain. And I thought I would wait for the kid and go to the gym with him. (He works at DQ). However, the rush was so significant that he didn't get home until after ten... and really, who wants to go to the gym after ten at night? So 30 min. activity FAIL for Day 2. Should have gone earlier in the day.
And as for the intake of food... relatively good job... I had the kid bring me home a half cup of soft serve with strawberries... so yummy! I don't think I can give up that bedtime snack, usually consisting of ice cream... and softserve plus strawberries is a good substitute for the calorie-laden blizzard (500 calories vs. 340 calories). I need to cut down to a small sundae, or start picking up those mini Ben and Jerry ice creams that are 200 calories...
Boring post, I know. But it keeps me accountable.
I should have braved the grey weather and taken the dog for a 30 minute walk. But it might rain. And I thought I would wait for the kid and go to the gym with him. (He works at DQ). However, the rush was so significant that he didn't get home until after ten... and really, who wants to go to the gym after ten at night? So 30 min. activity FAIL for Day 2. Should have gone earlier in the day.
And as for the intake of food... relatively good job... I had the kid bring me home a half cup of soft serve with strawberries... so yummy! I don't think I can give up that bedtime snack, usually consisting of ice cream... and softserve plus strawberries is a good substitute for the calorie-laden blizzard (500 calories vs. 340 calories). I need to cut down to a small sundae, or start picking up those mini Ben and Jerry ice creams that are 200 calories...
Boring post, I know. But it keeps me accountable.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Day 1
Thirty minutes of exercise was achieved today: instead of purchasing a golf cart, I purchased a push cart and drug my bag around the course (the pesky back issues prevent me from using my back-pack straps).
However, a text message from a friend calling me to DQ counteracted any calories burned: I only intended to eat half the small chocolate-covered-strawberry blizzard... but you know what happened.
BUT, I refuse to feel bad about eating a blizzard. Enjoying a DQ blizzard every once in a while is something I refuse to change about my life! Being healthy but denying oneself soft-serve mixed with candy and fruit is hardly an enjoyable life to look forward to.
So, I must accept that blizzards a non-negotiable part of my life. Ideas to try in the future to balance blizzardy goodness with my new, healthy lifestyle: order a blizzard but ask them to use half the ice cream (now I'm the weird order-er), order full blizzard and share, order a full blizzard and eat half and put the other half in the freezer (I've done this perhaps once in my life), order a full blizzard and immediately dump half of it out (but think of all the starving Ethiopians!), I only get a blizzard once per month and the rest of the time I eat small sundaes or cones...
Not sure what the best idea is. Open to suggestions.
As for eating only when I am hungry, and stopping when I am full... it is hard to break myself of the habits of 1) serving large portions of food that I historically have eaten, and 2) feeling I must eat everything I take. I should have had one fajita... but when I served myself, the small portion left in the tupperware looked so lonely, so sad... so I scooped the rest onto my plate and had two fajitas. And after the first fajita, I was content. And halfway through the second, I thought, I am full and I should stop eating. But I didn't.
I am realizing I have a clean-plate obsession. Is that something one can unlearn?
However, a text message from a friend calling me to DQ counteracted any calories burned: I only intended to eat half the small chocolate-covered-strawberry blizzard... but you know what happened.
BUT, I refuse to feel bad about eating a blizzard. Enjoying a DQ blizzard every once in a while is something I refuse to change about my life! Being healthy but denying oneself soft-serve mixed with candy and fruit is hardly an enjoyable life to look forward to.
So, I must accept that blizzards a non-negotiable part of my life. Ideas to try in the future to balance blizzardy goodness with my new, healthy lifestyle: order a blizzard but ask them to use half the ice cream (now I'm the weird order-er), order full blizzard and share, order a full blizzard and eat half and put the other half in the freezer (I've done this perhaps once in my life), order a full blizzard and immediately dump half of it out (but think of all the starving Ethiopians!), I only get a blizzard once per month and the rest of the time I eat small sundaes or cones...
Not sure what the best idea is. Open to suggestions.
As for eating only when I am hungry, and stopping when I am full... it is hard to break myself of the habits of 1) serving large portions of food that I historically have eaten, and 2) feeling I must eat everything I take. I should have had one fajita... but when I served myself, the small portion left in the tupperware looked so lonely, so sad... so I scooped the rest onto my plate and had two fajitas. And after the first fajita, I was content. And halfway through the second, I thought, I am full and I should stop eating. But I didn't.
I am realizing I have a clean-plate obsession. Is that something one can unlearn?
Self-sabotage
As a scholar of weight loss and health, I know that getting adequate sleep increases the likelihood I will be able to implement healthy life choices. And since I was up last night learning how to blog, I am afraid I have set myself up to fail on day one!
Free To Be ME
I was spurred into action by a hemorrhoid.
Gross right? My thoughts exactly. It started fun, as most eventual bad life choices do. It started as having enough money to eat out every weekend. Lunches with friends. Dinners with the then-boyfriend, now husband.
Then the dryer started freaking out on my clothes. And when I pulled my summer clothes out of storage, the Rubbermaid container had some sort of shrinking effect. And when I pulled jeans on again in the Fall, they were all tight jeans...
But who doesn't gain a little wait after college, right? Sadly, I've already done this cycle once - in 2007 I lost 20+ pounds. Weightwatchers freed me then. But major life changes, including increased access to Fabulous lunch destinations, has made the past three year ever so disgustingly delicious.
The stretch marks were an old friend - when they came back, I wasn't too surprised. But the back pain I have developed is horrible. I broke my leg, and I can't help but think my poor bone just couldn't handle the weight. And most recently, lying on the doctor's bed with my lower half covered by the pink sheet, the doctor poking around "there," gave "it" a direct tap (ouch!) and confirmed my fears... I had a hemorrhoid. GROSS. And hemorrhoids, while caused by many things including pregnancy and constipation (of which I am neither), is also caused by being overweight, saith the doctor. Is this really something a woman aspiring to 30 should have to worry about?
Weight loss is my first big "goal" in 350 - not (solely) because I want to look more socially attractive, but also because I want to be healthy. I want to live life to the full, and that doesn't happen when you're 30 pounds overweight. I'm currently 5'6" and 185 pounds. And not big boned. Big Buddha belly, but not big boned.
In my dark moments, when I believe I am incapable of ever losing that much weight, I tell myself that it is just part of who I am. I am that cute, overweight girl. Jolly looking. I'm too busy: I'm a mom, I'm a student, I'm a wife... I can't be skinny too! And besides, I rationalize being skinny is for superficial people who care more about how they look than about what really matters: personality and character.
But I realize it is my gluttonous, indulgent character that has caused this problem: excessively eating out, general overeating of pasta and foods I love, and absence of exercise that ruined my previous victory over weight gain. Excess won this round; the game is tied 1-1. I need a knock-out, because I refuse to do this weight loss, weight gain cycle for the next decade. I have better things to worry about!
So this is test number one for me. I want to enter my 30's as a healthy and fit woman. I want to have energy and I want this back pain to go away! (Not to mention never having a weight-related hemorrhoid EVER AGAIN) The question will be - "how" healthy and fit? What is realistic? I want to discover what aspects of a healthy lifestyle I can actually integrate into my life - and what aspects I need to accept are just not happening.
The goal: For 10 days, I will attempt to engage in 30 minutes of exercise each day. For starters in the food arena, I will not eat when I am full. Sounds so easy.
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Gross right? My thoughts exactly. It started fun, as most eventual bad life choices do. It started as having enough money to eat out every weekend. Lunches with friends. Dinners with the then-boyfriend, now husband.
Then the dryer started freaking out on my clothes. And when I pulled my summer clothes out of storage, the Rubbermaid container had some sort of shrinking effect. And when I pulled jeans on again in the Fall, they were all tight jeans...
But who doesn't gain a little wait after college, right? Sadly, I've already done this cycle once - in 2007 I lost 20+ pounds. Weightwatchers freed me then. But major life changes, including increased access to Fabulous lunch destinations, has made the past three year ever so disgustingly delicious.
The stretch marks were an old friend - when they came back, I wasn't too surprised. But the back pain I have developed is horrible. I broke my leg, and I can't help but think my poor bone just couldn't handle the weight. And most recently, lying on the doctor's bed with my lower half covered by the pink sheet, the doctor poking around "there," gave "it" a direct tap (ouch!) and confirmed my fears... I had a hemorrhoid. GROSS. And hemorrhoids, while caused by many things including pregnancy and constipation (of which I am neither), is also caused by being overweight, saith the doctor. Is this really something a woman aspiring to 30 should have to worry about?
Weight loss is my first big "goal" in 350 - not (solely) because I want to look more socially attractive, but also because I want to be healthy. I want to live life to the full, and that doesn't happen when you're 30 pounds overweight. I'm currently 5'6" and 185 pounds. And not big boned. Big Buddha belly, but not big boned.
In my dark moments, when I believe I am incapable of ever losing that much weight, I tell myself that it is just part of who I am. I am that cute, overweight girl. Jolly looking. I'm too busy: I'm a mom, I'm a student, I'm a wife... I can't be skinny too! And besides, I rationalize being skinny is for superficial people who care more about how they look than about what really matters: personality and character.
But I realize it is my gluttonous, indulgent character that has caused this problem: excessively eating out, general overeating of pasta and foods I love, and absence of exercise that ruined my previous victory over weight gain. Excess won this round; the game is tied 1-1. I need a knock-out, because I refuse to do this weight loss, weight gain cycle for the next decade. I have better things to worry about!
So this is test number one for me. I want to enter my 30's as a healthy and fit woman. I want to have energy and I want this back pain to go away! (Not to mention never having a weight-related hemorrhoid EVER AGAIN) The question will be - "how" healthy and fit? What is realistic? I want to discover what aspects of a healthy lifestyle I can actually integrate into my life - and what aspects I need to accept are just not happening.
The goal: For 10 days, I will attempt to engage in 30 minutes of exercise each day. For starters in the food arena, I will not eat when I am full. Sounds so easy.
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