Argument for Regressing: I took a weekend without anything planned, and jam-packed it full of things. I feel tired because I try to do too much. I didn't say no to one thing this weekend in the name of personal sanity.
Argument for Progressing: The whole point of clearing my schedule was NOT to make time for laundry, a pristine home, or home-manicures, but to make time for the important things! Spending time with my first niece and her proud parents, my cousin and her family, and my kid... those are high-ranking priorities!
Decision: While only time will tell, right now I am happy with how I spent my time. It is ironic that the weekend I try and relax, three really important things pop up. In my defense, it WAS an open, unplanned weekend. I spent Friday night and most of the day Saturday at home. And truly, how could one say No to any of those events? Would I have been happier doing my laundry than hanging out with SweetNiece, SuperDuper & Daughter, or the Teenager?
Case 2: Daughter and I drove from the Princess Party to pick up Husband and Teenager at 4:30 p.m. and then stopped at Target. I hate going shopping with the Teenager, because he is so random! I shop with a list. I have a purpose. He believes in wandering the aisles, until he sees something that reminds him of what he needs. I didn't want his last memory of me to be one where I am storming around the store with my shopping cart, so I decided we should go to dinner. As a result, we got home at 7:30 p.m.
Argument for Regressing: I'm not letting go of the Teenager. When he shares his plans with us, I find I still advise him like he is a dependent. I instruct more than discuss. We paid for everything today, instead of allowing him the opportunity to show us his financial independence. Basically, we functionally treated him like a dependent child.
Argument for Progressing: I am aware of the delicate balance that must be struck. On one hand, you want the Teenager to know we are always here for him - as his immediate family, we are there to support him when life is hard. But on the other, the Teenager needs to function as his own person. I realize how easy it would be for the three of us (Teenager, Husband and I) to remain in the financial and emotional patterns of high school. It seems cruel to begin pulling away the constant financial and emotional support. But, I realized today that he is ready for financial and emotional independence. Not financial and emotional abandonment! Just space and freedom to make his own financial decisions, and to care for his own well-being, without outside influence.
Decision: It took me 19 days to have my breakthrough moment with the Teenager. My "regressive" actions today spurred a heart-to-heart with Teenager that helped me realize my new role as a parent-sister. I did regress today, but I ended the day on a progressive note.
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