"I wish to compliment you"

THH refuses to compliment people because his random act of kindness is often met with cold retaliation.

As a first year law student he "complimented" a fellow female student on her purple sweatpants. She came into class a little frazzled, not looking her usual immaculate self. She sat down and THH said, "Nice sweatpants."

She looked at him, raised her eyebrows, and said "Thanks?" and turned around. I gave THH the look of death and asked him why he was being such a jerkface. Confused, he looked at me and said he was serious, he REALLY DID LIKE the purple sweatpants. I rolled my eyes.

Later that month, he "complimented" another female classmate on her shoes. They were red, and definitely a fashion statement. "I like your shoes." She looked at him, raised her eyebrows, and said "OK [THH]." I gave THH the look of death and asked him why he was being such a jerkface. Again, he said he was serious, he REALLY DID LIKE her shoes.

But after that, he decided complimenting people was too much work. Why go through the effort of complimenting people when the response is so unfavorable. Like Pavlov's dog, THH has been trained to curl up into an antisocial fetal position whenever someone suggests he should be more complimentary.

I tried to explain to THH the girl-world of compliments; that we are inherently suspicious of compliments and unless said in an appropriate tone of voice using appropriate language, we will reject it to beat you to the punch. In high school, Sparky told me hundreds of times. "You're pretty. Pretty ugly." Men can't be jerkfaces for the first 18 years of their life and then wonder why things are so hard the remaining 82. THH (and all mankind) made this bed, now lie in it.

Casanova, overhearing THH's rant that he was swearing off compliments, suggested THH employ a new method. To avoid the risk of offending anyone with specific compliments, perhaps THH should just say loudly, "I wish to compliment you." And that's it. Just end it there. Don't follow it up with anything. Just put it out there to communicate your desire, and allow it to percolate with the object of your compliment.

It made me laugh. I imagine the recipient of such a compliment would be slightly confused, waiting for the follow-up sentence of what exactly is compliment-worthy. But shouldn't it be enough that someone wishes to compliment us, even if they don't know how?

Something to ponder.