There is wistful me. The me that is incredulous how fast time went... how can it be five years already? I wasted too much of it worrying about stupid things (Ha! Like about running out of food at the open house?), and not enough time telling him how wonderful he was.
Wistful me usually leads to tearful me. My tears are flavored with happy memories, regrets and mourning. People say all the time how much husband and I have done for the kids; but the kids have influenced my life in an equally positive way. I cry for the really hard times, and the really good times - as Amy Grant sings, It's beautiful, the mess we are.
There is focused me. The me that is able to juggle work, party planning and family. The me that makes lists and arranges for salads and coordinates chair rental and rides the bus and obtains certified legal documents from the court house and remembers to send lunch money with the kids and calls a friend to bring the daughter to school since teenager is riding the traditional hay rack to school...
There is anxious me. Readers know her well! Anxious me had a hard time sleeping last night; I woke up at 3:45 a.m. and never went back to sleep. I kept figuring out the lowest common denominator of smoothie ingredients as I lay in bed. I finally got up and cleaned the living room.
Anxious me leads inevitably to bitchy-scary-emotionally-unbalanced me. The me that freaks out when the teenager mows the lawn, then tromps into the bathroom leaving a trail of grass on the bath mats and in the shower; and since I swear he showers with the shower curtain open and shakes off like a dog when he's done, the grass is sopping wet and stuck to EVERYTHING. And when I ask him calmly to shake them out on Saturday, do you think he's shaken them out yet? Of course not! Every time I take a shower, I am reminded that I live with an unthankful, lazy poophead...
This is about the time an external force, often husband, enters to bring about reflective me. The one that realizes I am a massive blob of emotions running on limited sleep and significant stress. The me that realizes I need to take a minute to journal, to pray, to relax. Reflective me does a lot of relationship repair work, is perhaps the most wise part of me, and is a welcome personality after BSEU-me.
It's a cycle, and if my husband blogged he could tell you how fast and how many times the cycle can be completed in a week, day, or hour. He is a good man to put up with me these days, and especially this week.
Signing off until tomorrow,
Reflective Me
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I cried today when I said the teenager's name during Senior Appreciation Day. It was a great Day I felt. Kids were sad to be leaving, but most were more than ready to move on to the next step. Sad for us, glad for them.:-)
ReplyDeletep.s. Let me know WHEN I can help!!
I come home from school... nothing to do... I take a nap... watch some TV... go to bed... CALL ME!! I can help!!
Doesn't the "unthankful, lazy poophead" read your blog? He must have a good sense of humor or be okay with that coming from bitchy-scary-emotionally-unbalanced you ... just sayin'. :)
ReplyDeleteHa! Surprisingly, my family does NOT generally read the blog...
ReplyDelete