When It Rains...

When it rains, it pours.

This week has been full of relational woes. More specifically, I am involved in intensive relationship repair with some precious people in my life.

I am stuck in some unhealthy relationship cycles. It goes like this: my actions produce a response in you, and your subsequent actions produce a response in me, and the cycle goes on and on. Sometimes the cycle is good. For example, I give Mocha a treat when we come inside after she does her doggy business. Good cycle. But the cycle can also be bad. I nag at the teenager when he doesn't do the dishes, and he retaliates by putting them off longer, and I nag more, and he puts off doing them longer. Bad cycle.

Breaking unhealthy cycles of interaction are challenging when the interaction has become a habitual way of interacting, and the interaction occurs on a regular basis. How long can relationships withstand unhealthy, terminal cycles? Recognizing I can only control my own actions, how do I help my counterparts break the cycle? Right now, my unhealthy relationship cycles leave both of us feeling hurt, attacked and helpless to change. Neither of us wants the other to feel bad, but cycles are hard to break. One cycle I will share is my tendency to over-schedule my life. I get too busy, which leads to general relationship neglect, which leads to scheduling of dates to fix the relationships, which leads to more over-scheduling... the cycle continues, with me constantly putting out fires with people who feel neglected!

While it seems like the relational explosion at issue this week came "out of nowhere," it is more accurate that the hurt cycle has been quietly turning beneath the surface for weeks, months, years. One cycle, like one rain drop, isn't such a big deal - but a ga-jillion rain drops is a messy, painful flood. Honestly, I didn't see it coming! But hindsight is truly 20/20, and looking back I see signs that should have alerted me of the relational tension: the growing and almost constant guilt, the lack of communication, and the feelings of total exhaustion.

On one hand, I am blessed with large amounts of family, friends and special communities of people. The downside is that I give too much of myself away to these wonderful people in my life. I am resentful because there isn't much of me leftover after I've helped everyone I need to help, everyone I want to help, and everyone I feel compelled to help. But what is the limit? What is the extent of what I can give? When is it OK to sacrifice for Me?


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