Quest #4: The Daughter Dare

My next quest is, for the next 10 days, I will not nag my daughter.

Daughter is a fabulous girl. She is 16 years old, loves boys and Hannah Montana. She also has Down syndrome. The hormones, emotions, and body of a teenager with some limitations in understanding abstract concepts. Because she is easily manipulated by others, she is categorized as severely retarded. This makes it difficult at times to parent, because I want to help her develop her own sense of self, while assisting her in developing social skills that will allow her to maintain relationships with other people. Some of the social skills that I tend to nag on are chewing with her mouth open, or constantly running her fingers through her hair, or sending her back upstairs to change when I don't like her chosen outfit. Stupid, small things that can really put some tension in our relationship.

I don't think there is anything with encouraging daughter to develop positive social skills. But, as husband says, not every moment has to be a teachable moment. Just enjoy time with her! And I have been failing to just enjoy daughter for who she is. So, for the next ten days (and I'm trusting my readers not to tell her :-) daughter gets a "free pass." I am not allowed to nag her. If I think that she needs a reminder or prompt, I must ask husband or teenager to do it. Let's see how it goes.


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Day 12: 12 Timeless Memories

** check out Day 3 for an update and PICTURES! **

A beautiful new mom attended the open house and gave me a little grief about my, er, lack of follow-through with the whole "12 Days of Graduation." I admit, it was a great idea that was much easier with "Hula Girl in a Pineapple Tree." It got a lot more difficult the higher the number...

But, I will finish with the 12 Timeless Memories of the Graduation Day.

1. The family - husband, daughter and I - woke up the graduate. We brought him his presents (college apparel), made fun mini-speeches with wisdom and memories, and prayed as a family. As the busy day took off, I am SO THANKFUL we got that time in to just be. I highly recommend this day-starter!

2. The church slide show. Watching my graduate grow up into the young man he is... tear! He has a great group of friends and has spent the past five years serving in the community and in church. So proud!

3. The graduate leading worship with the other seniors. When he came in eighth grade, he wandered around the house singing all the time. I told him he should join choir. He said absolutely not. So like the pushy mom that I am, I forced him to join choir, with the condition that if he hated it after a semester he could quit. I still remember choir friend coming up to me (we weren't friends yet) and telling me that he was going to be just fine. Singing has been a huge part of his high school experience, including being an all-state choir participant and this summer's Minnesota Ambassadors of Music program.

4. The graduate asking me to button the cuffs on his shirt as he prepared to leave the house for graduation ceremonies.

5. The graduate smiling at us in the stands from his seat during the ceremony.

6. Riding home from the ceremony with the graduate, hoping and praying the rain would hold off. Trying to convince ourselves that the sun was getting brighter the closer we got to our house.

7. Standing outside in the rain with the graduate. Oh well, it never rained that hard or that long - as my mom said, it was Just an Annoyance. I think husband said we're just throwing an authentic luau because it rains just like this in the tropics.

8. Watching the graduate play his host role like a pro. He greeted people, he gave them a lei, he directed them to food. He was great.

9. Racing on the bouncey horses with the family. I was ahead of the grad, he fell of his horse, and then pulled my horse back so I couldn't move! Husband won, by the way.

10. Having the sun come out at 7:30. And a small rainbow.

11. Too many friends and family to list. As far as numbers go, we are kind of at a loss. I bought 300 smoothie glasses and we have about 60 left. I had 300 buns and we had about 6 dozen left (you were right! we didn't need more buns!). I had 225 cupcakes and had about 2 dozen left, but we hid them in the garage by the grad shrine because of the rain and I don't think everyone got one. So we were right around that 200 mark...

12. Sitting up with the grad just before bed, me and him, commenting how great the day was.

Day 11: 11 Errends Running

1. Get the bouncey horses.
2. Pick up the cake (and oh my gosh, it is FABULOUS)
3. Pick up the chairs
4. Eat lunch
5. Decorate with grass skirts and lei flowers
6. Build graduate shrine
7. Hang banner
8. Set up tiki torches
9. Make pages for guests to sign (in lieu of guest book, scrapbook pages)
10. Compile scrapbook
11. Set up tables, tent and tiki bar.

Day 10: 10 Minutes Crying!

Well, we all knew it was just a matter of WHEN, not if, I would have the crying breakdown. ChoirFriend was here to support me. We cried and laughed and cried some more. I cried to let out all the feelings I have surrounding the teenager's transition to phase two of life. Today, he found out he received $5400 in local scholarships, and that his GPA was high enough to earn an honor cord. (Oh dear I'm tearing up again). And I got to be a part of that! I am so excited to celebrate his accomplishments on Sunday. I am so proud of him. Tear!

Day 9: Nine Smoothie Combos

The Tiki Bar will be manned by Bandman, FamousDiva and SassyRed. They have been instructed to bring not only their smoothie-making skills, but also their Cocktail-like banter and tricks. I admit, I've only seen parts of the Tom Cruise movie; I suppose it will be a cross between Cocktail, Coyote Ugly...and Survivor.

The nine smoothie combos: (there are a few more ingredients, we aren't just throwing strawberries in yogurt and calling it a beverage)

1. Strawberries with strawberry yogurt
2. Strawberries with blueberry yogurt
3. Strawberries with peach yogurt
Now insert "strawberries and bananas" in each line. ((4-6)
Now insert "bananas" in each line. (7-9)

And voila! Nine smoothie combinations. The teenager is getting us a 5 gallon bucket of strawberries from DQ, so I strongly suggest people choose options 1-6. And since I have a crate of bananas de-greening in the basement, I suppose 4-6 would be preferable.

Cherish the moment - tonight, while volunteering as a youth leader for our church youth group, I watched the teenager play Big-Ball Volleyball (the ball is two feet in diameter?) Since he's 6'6", he loved it! The best part was when he chased down the ball so aggressively that he forgot to watch for the pole holding the net up. He slammed into the pole, and fell to the ground... as the pole and net fell down around him. Ah, the last night of youth group at the school - way to go out with a thud!


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Day 8: 80 Degrees!

The weather report says 80 degrees with a 10% chance of rain.

Make it so, Lord, make it so.

Today was the teenagers last day of school. He said he wasn't going to take his camera and take pictures of the senior hayride to school. So as I commuted to the bus, I took a short detour and drove slowly through the fairgrounds like a major stalker-creeper, taking pictures through the passenger window of my car.

Luckily, I was not arrested. Until tomorrow!

Day 7: Seven personalities

There is happy me! The one that is cherishing the moment, that is taking time to realize that tomorrow is the teenager's last day of school. The me that looks at the teenager and just smiles, because he's done so well.

There is wistful me. The me that is incredulous how fast time went... how can it be five years already? I wasted too much of it worrying about stupid things (Ha! Like about running out of food at the open house?), and not enough time telling him how wonderful he was.

Wistful me usually leads to tearful me. My tears are flavored with happy memories, regrets and mourning. People say all the time how much husband and I have done for the kids; but the kids have influenced my life in an equally positive way. I cry for the really hard times, and the really good times - as Amy Grant sings, It's beautiful, the mess we are.

There is focused me. The me that is able to juggle work, party planning and family. The me that makes lists and arranges for salads and coordinates chair rental and rides the bus and obtains certified legal documents from the court house and remembers to send lunch money with the kids and calls a friend to bring the daughter to school since teenager is riding the traditional hay rack to school...

There is anxious me. Readers know her well! Anxious me had a hard time sleeping last night; I woke up at 3:45 a.m. and never went back to sleep. I kept figuring out the lowest common denominator of smoothie ingredients as I lay in bed. I finally got up and cleaned the living room.

Anxious me leads inevitably to bitchy-scary-emotionally-unbalanced me. The me that freaks out when the teenager mows the lawn, then tromps into the bathroom leaving a trail of grass on the bath mats and in the shower; and since I swear he showers with the shower curtain open and shakes off like a dog when he's done, the grass is sopping wet and stuck to EVERYTHING. And when I ask him calmly to shake them out on Saturday, do you think he's shaken them out yet? Of course not! Every time I take a shower, I am reminded that I live with an unthankful, lazy poophead...

This is about the time an external force, often husband, enters to bring about reflective me. The one that realizes I am a massive blob of emotions running on limited sleep and significant stress. The me that realizes I need to take a minute to journal, to pray, to relax. Reflective me does a lot of relationship repair work, is perhaps the most wise part of me, and is a welcome personality after BSEU-me.

It's a cycle, and if my husband blogged he could tell you how fast and how many times the cycle can be completed in a week, day, or hour. He is a good man to put up with me these days, and especially this week.

Signing off until tomorrow,

Reflective Me



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Day 6: Six hundred pictures!

This morning I made my last picture order - 664 pictures. Now, not ALL of these are of Teenager, so I won't be scrapbooking all 664 this week. The large number of pictures is the result of digital cameras, where you download them onto the computer, look at them... and then never print them off. Or if you're like my mom, who has a HUGE memory card, the pictures never make it to the computer! (Although this is the woman who, when film was developed, could find two separate Christmases on the same roll, so perhaps it's not the size of the card as much as her lack of picture-taking).

Sadly, I didn't get a chance to make a dent in the 664 pictures. Besides the usual Sunday events, and the Walmart trip to supplement my party supplies (I expect 200, but am prepared for 250), I made THE LIST. It is a grid of time, activity and identified responsible person. It will ensure nothing is forgotten, and that everything is perfect. (Yes, I realize inevitably something will go wrong. I hope that something is along the lines of... oh no I can't think of one thing I am willing to have go wrong... I don't want it to rain, or be too hot, or to have so many people there aren't enough chairs, or to have nobody show up, or to have the cake fall over, or to have the smoothie bar malfunction... Wait. I am willing to be OK if we run out of buns. Or pop. There.)

I am definitely feeling the jitters of nervousness. Or the massive convulsions of anxiety. So bring it back to the Quest: Cherish the moment. What great memory doesn't have some glaring imperfection that makes it, well, memorable? As I silently pray for peace, I realize that even if it rains cats and dogs, if the bounce horses lie lonely and unused, if the food runs out in thirty minutes, if all the cupcakes land frosting-down in the lawn, if a tornado warning forces everyone into my ugly and disgusting basement... the Teenager will still have graduated. And his friends and family came to celebrate with him.

Oh my gosh now I need to clean the basement.

Day 4: Four Bouncey Horses

In 2007, our family went to the Shafer Corn Maze. While the corn maze was fun, we got the most enjoyment out of racing on four inflatable horses. The teenager, then just a tween, had a hard time getting the hang of the bounce... at one point, he lost a race not only to his parental units, but to his little sister as well. Despite his loss, he managed to enjoy himself, and I have fabulous pictures of that seemingly perfect day.

In an effort to relive that happy memory, for the graduation party we are importing four bouncey horses of the same make and model used at Shafer. We look forward to making new memories with friends and family!



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Day 5: Five Laps at Costco!

Today I was introduced to the mega-sized mecca called "COSTCO."

My guide was friend SuperSaver. SuperSaver is a card-carrying member of this suburban club. A perfect example of SuperSaver's gift is when she turned to me while shopping and said, "So, do you keep a running total of all your purchases in your head as you go?"

My look of disbelief spoke for itself. She claims that this way, if the register's total is off, she knows the cashier rang something up wrong.

I am in good hands.

My first experience with member-only warehouse shopping was kind of amazing. SuperSaver was concerned Costco closed in an hour, so I was short of breath, and felt kind of panicky. So much to get in so little time! I pushed aside my sudden desire to purchase a tropical plant or two, maybe a hanging basket, a pallet of paper towels and a crate of mangoes. Instead, I stuck to my list and got 70 bottles of water, 98 cans of pop, 200 plates (yes, I'm gambling it will be 200, thanks to all the posts from yesterday!), 9 bottles of BBQ sauce, a crate of bananas (for the smoothie bar), 72 small containers of flavored yogurt (also for the smoothie bar) and seven large bags of chips. (Yes, there was more, but you get the idea). I picked up the bananas, pop and water early in the trip... and spent the rest of it having to get a running start to force my cart forward. I was sweating by checkout.

SuperSaver was an excellent guide. Not only did she help me navigate whether something was truly a good price or not (she warned that Costco might not give you better prices, but rather better quality for the same price you'd pay somewhere else), she simply couldn't stand to see other shoppers make poor consumer choices. In the process of loading up my yogurt, we overheard a wife tell her husband to "get out his cell phone" so he could calculate which yogurt was a better price. When the wife began reaching for brand A, SuperSaver knocked it out of her hand and yelled, "NOOOOOOOOOOO!"

Not really. She restrained herself and simply said, "Well, that brand might be cheaper but it is actually a small size container so you aren't getting as much." They then got into a deep conversation about the "flavor" of plain yogurt. As we heaved our carts forward, SuperSaver met my incredulous look with a shrug. "They looked like they were having problems with their calculations." I guess just an average day for SuperSaver - helping one more person save a nickel per ounce of yogurt.

I like to tease SuperSaver, but in all seriousness she was fabulous! She patiently waited as I zigzagged several times through the same aisles looking for different things, she heaved lots of heavy stuff into the cart, and she even drove me back up to my park and ride lot and helped me unload. I hope you have a SuperSaver in your life - I don't know what I'd do without mine! (Probably buy small containers of yogurt for twice the cost...)



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Day 3: Three Layered Cake

See this beautiful cake? The only time in the past month that I drove below the speed limit was when I was transporting this beautiful creation from the cities to my home. If my own personal stress wasn't bad enough, as I drove white-knuckled a girlfriend calls (I know, how nervous could I be if I was still willing to take a phone call... blah blah blah) and starts telling me the story of how a woman she knew took a fast turn and plastered the wedding cake against the dashboard.

I slowed down another 5 MPH. Miraculously, the cake made it home safely.

My high school friend, Mary Bakes Cakes, is pretty amazing. She started off making cakes via Betty Crocker boxes for our get-togethers, and over the years became a self-taught cake-maker. As you can see from the above picture, this isn't your typical graduation sheet cake! Our luau guests had nothing but constant and consistent praise for the decorations and the quality. Besides the three-layered cake that my family will consume this week, she made 225 cupcakes - 75 white with raspberry filling, 75 chocolate with raspberry filling, and 75 carrot cake with cream cheese filling. And to my delighted surprise, each cupcake had its own unique fondant decoration upon either sandy-looking or sea-blue frosting, including mini flippy-floppies, surfboards, palm trees, pineapples...

I highly recommend you get onto Mary's calendar if you have a special event that requires a fabulous cake. And, if you mention this blog, you will get a 5% discount. Check out her link above for more pictures and information.

Day 2: Two Hundred Guests

The million dollar question when you are throwing an open house - how many people do you plan for?

We had 250 invites printed. We included an invitation in the church bulletin; our church size is about 200. We still have about 40 at home. We have been inviting anyone who wants to come celebrate with us. It's an open house! The more the merrier!

Based on this, you may think a million people will attend. Doubtful. Most of the 250 went to relatives that live more than an hour away and won't be attending. The open house is on the Sunday of Memorial Day weekend, a time when many are at the lake or doing other non-graduation type of things.

And regardless of how many people pass through, how many are going to several open houses and won't eat anything? How many are planning to "pig out?" (pun intended, we're having a hog roast). Is it better to be eating graduation party food all summer and sending frozen care packages with the teenager as he leaves for college, or to run out of food thirty minutes before the party ends?

I started off planning for 200. In my mind, I figured half the church would come, fifty relatives, and fifty of the teenager's friends. And part of me still thinks that number is solid.

But then I think, what if everyone in church comes? My parents, siblings and spouses plus husband's siblings plus our own household is 14 alone... I mean, I WANT everyone to come! But I don't want to eat shredded pork for the next month...

So slowly my numbers have been growing. We told Pig Man to plan for 200. We ordered 225 cupcakes (more on that in future posts). We ordered 250 cups for smoothies. And now, the bun debate.

Husband: "Did you order the buns yet?"
Me: (keeping in mind I am the one doing all the ordering) a terse "Yes."
Husband: "How many did you get?"
Me: "Eighteen dozen" (216)
Husband: "Do you think that will be enough?"

*Pause*

My internal monologue: NO I INTENTIONALLY ORDERED 2 DOZEN LESS THAN I THINK WILL BE ENOUGH.
Me: "Would you like me to order more? How many more should I order?
Husband/teenager: Silence.

See? NOBODY KNOWS THE ANSWER! We all have this fear that it's not enough, but nobody knows the magic number of what IS enough!!!

So let's take bets. Post your guess of how many plates we will serve at open house. If you are correct, I will give you a FABULOUS prize.




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Day 1: A Hula Girl in a Pineapple Tree

Thanks to JW for dropping off a plethora of great decorations for the graduation luau!

The vision: Sunshine. Colors. People milling about, laughing with colorful drinks and little umbrellas. Leis. Children frolicking about, teenagers racing on bounce horses.

The challenge, of course, is transforming a small city lot into a tropical paradise. My Craig's List friend directed me to 20 tiki torches for $50, I purchased 200 leis from an ebay store, I am borrowing a tiki bar used for a church luau a few years back, I purchased a banner, a cute tiki bar chalkboard sign, and plastic cups with brightly colored hibiscus flowers on them. Friends have come up with enough grass skirting to fill a large garbage bag. And JH's recent delivery takes care of table centerpieces!

Overall, I think the decorations are taken care of - but if anyone else has ideas or donations, don't hesitate to comment!


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Sorry Flea Market Man

Sidenote: During the summer a massive flea market pops up in my neighborhood. As I'm trying to catch my bus for the THIRD day in a row (yeah me!), I'm paying attention to all the random tables and people pulling trailers and RV's and such... and as I drive by on my typical route to the main road (because yesterday, I took an alternate route and ended up behind a school bus... as it made seven stops on one road for what seemed like an ETERNITY), some guy has the nerve to look at my car while mouthing "SLOW DOWN" while his hands are pushing down on an imaginary horn or something.

If I had had more time, and nerve, I would have stopped my car and informed him that tomorrow, I would be camping out at the end of his driveway so I could sell crap and critique his driving with hand motions and over-accentuation of each syllable of a silent, slow-motion phrase.

But, as it was, I probably was speeding a little (I admit, my "typical" speed on that road is probably not appropriate within 100 feet of pedestrians)... sigh. So Imaginary Horn Guy - I apologize - I will SLOW DOWN.

Quest #3: The 12 Days of Graduation

Seven years ago I got married. What do I remember from that day? While I have many good memories from May 18, 2003, I also remember being stressed, tired and exhausted. I was late the entire day, I forgot many things and had to frantically send friends to get flowers, earrings, etc., I was stressed about paying the DJ and about how much it would cost, then stressed if we tipped him enough, etc. etc. etc.

Here is what I want for May 30, 2010: I want to have fun! I want the teenager's open house to be a celebration that I participate in, and not an event I am working for everybody else's happiness. As several people have pointed out lately, planning the teenager's open house is very similar to planning an outdoor wedding at our home!

So my Quest is to learn how to cherish the moment - I am resolved to prepare for the next 11 days the best I can, and to then simply enjoy myself at the open house. This will involve an attitude adjustment. Instead of trying to please/impress/gain the approval of my guests, the motivation for the party is to celebrate the teenager's success individually, and the family's success as a whole. The teenager is my husband's younger brother, and we have been parenting him since 2005. He is a statistical miracle, and our Graduation Luau Party reflects how thankful we are that, by the grace of God, the teenager is a first-rate guy. He has overcome some enormous odds, and I need to keep this in mind when I begin to worry about what people will say if we run out of food...

Let the 12 days of Graduation commence!


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Day 10: End of Quest #2

I made the bus. I woke up at 6 a.m., left the house at 7:25, when I got within a mile of the exit I began chanting "bus bus bus," I actually exited the freeway at the correct exit, and I avoided about 10 miles of parking-lot conditions as the bus skidded on the shoulder. Yes, today was the BEST day to be on the bus, since new road construction hit and my route into town is SEVERELY backed up. Hooray! What a reward!

And I made the 5:09 bus home. (It was close, but I made it). I am about 35 minutes past my bedtime, but I have been scrapbooking the teenagers life and am having a hard time breaking away!

Quest #3 - stay tuned! :-)

Day 9: Improvement

Today, my family was on time for church. Church starts at 9 a.m. We arrived at 8:55. It was amazing.

I got 8 hours of sleep. I got up after one snooze. I admit, my family wasn't in our seats at the beginning of the first song.. but we heard the end of it, and every song afterwards.

And I'm doing well with my exercise and eating. So far, so good.

Tomorrow is the ultimate test. WILL I MAKE THE BUS???

Day 8: Full Day

Boring post alert. Got 8 hours of sleep, had a really productive day preparing for the teenager's graduation open house. Went to lunch at DQ, where he works, and took pictures for the scrapbook. Managed to throw away half of the small, buster bar blizzard... I told husband I was going to throw it away after three more bites, but when it came time to put it in the indoor trash bin I couldn't do it! I carried it outside and took one more big bite... and then ran to the outdoor trash can and threw it away before I had bloated sheep! Went through daughter's clothes and put together a bag for the thrift store - now no matter what she puts on in the morning, she should be good to go (as opposed to last week, where her first 1-2 attempts at dressing herself were vetoed by mom, save the day that I instructed her to change but didn't see outfit #2, come to find out later she wore a pajama shirt. sigh!). It was a fun day, I can't say if it was punctual since I didn't have to be anywhere at any certain time, but I did get up at a reasonable hour and had a day filled with work and play.

Day 7: Seven Years!

May 18 is our actual seven year anniversary of marriage, but we celebrated this evening at W.A.Frosts in St. Paul. Cheers to us!

Because of our dinner date, I drove to work today. Despite intending to drive to work, I still wanted to see what time I would pass the exit... but once again I spaced out and drove by without noticing, so I don't know exactly what time I passed it, but I know it was before 8:09.

It was a good day for punctuality. I observed a 9 a.m. court hearing, and made my dinner date (OK, I was five minutes late, but not for lack of trying! I couldn't remember how to get to the restaurant, and used up my time cushion driving in circles). I was a little stressed from being lost, but it passed quickly. I never really internalized how much my mood is affected by being late.

Seven years... thank goodness my husband is patient, forgiving and loving! Husband jokingly toasted that our marriage was full of surprises, in reference to the teenager (who graduates in 16 days) and daughter. Looking back on what we've accomplished in the past seven years, I thank God He put us together, that He has held us together, and will continue to hold us together!

Day 6: Breaking Point

Today I had what those in therapy call, a "breakthrough."

This morning, I had an assignment that I needed about four hours to work on. I decided I would leave and ride the bus, thus beginning work at 8 a.m. and getting most of the way done before a noon luncheon, and then I would finish afterward to meet my 'early afternoon' deadline. I left the house at 7:20. I had more than enough time to make the 8:09 bus.

I was so proud of myself! Such a calm, leisurely ride. No speeding. I got into the right lane. Life is good. Wait - where am I? Oh my gosh I missed my exit!!! The time is 7:56.

Here's what i learned today:
1) After the bus exit, it takes 6 minutes to reach the next exit to turn around.
2) When in a hurry, chance are you will sit at the intersection stoplight for an additional three minutes.
3) The metro transit bus system is VERY punctual.
4) The clock in my car is VERY accurate.
5) When the clock says 8:11, this means the bus left two minutes ago.

In fact, as I was waiting for the dang light to turn at the top of the ramp, I watched the bus get onto the freeway on the other side. No breakthrough moment yet; at this point in my day I merely though God had something against me taking the bus.

So I am determined to take the bus. I drive south to the next bus stop, about ten minutes south. This park and ride is very popular and very full. I am in a hurry; I see an express bus... the temptation is too great. I use my handicap placard that I obtained when on crutches last winter and limp to the bus. (In my defense, I am wearing a brace and I am supposed to be extra careful right now because my leg is susceptible to re-breakage because the pins just came out... Sigh. I'm a terrible person. A weak, terrible person). No breakthrough moment yet, just guilt.

I go through my day. It's a good day. I was going to leave at 4:15 p.m., when another girl at work is leaving for the same park and ride. But at 4:15 I am "just finishing up" a project for a very senior partner. I keep working. The clock keeps ticking.

Suddenly it is 5:30 p.m. I realize that the kids have a concert at 7:30 p.m. And that the daughter in particular will need my help to prepare. Oh dear. If I could magically appear in a vehicle and drive straight home, I would be fine.

As it is, I must close down my computer, go to the bathroom (hey, it's over an hour commute!), ride the elevator down dozens of floors, walk the wrong way out the building so I need to walk an extra two blocks to the bus stop, hop on a bus hoping its the right bus (I confirm with a nice lady next to me, she says it is. And weird fun fact, Gander Mountain lady from the morning bus ride is taking the same bus home with me!), text frantically and find out daughter needs to be at school by 7 p.m., realize there is no way in heck I am going to be home by 7 p.m., get to the park and ride, limp back to the car and begin commute at average 85 MPH while praying the SUV will make 50 miles on less than a quarter tank of gas, call Choir Friend (choir teacher who is also my friend) and find out it's OK if daughter is there by 7:15 p.m. (I lied, I knew daughter wasn't going to be there until just before 7:30 p.m.), discovered daughter needs to wear jeans and a solid colored shirt and NOT the cute green dress I had instructed her to put on, called husband and teenager to relay the message about the solid colored shirt(to which teenager responds, "Oh yeah, I bought one for myself at Walmart today!" ARRRGGGHHHH!), have family send text pictures of 1) daughter's current hair style, 2) a random pink shirt they found in her drawer (way to small!)and 3) her final white t-shirt look (I instructed husband where to find a t-shirt in my dresser), instruct husband to go to the concert to save us seats, arrive at home at 7:10 p.m., run into the house, find belt for daughter, tuck in her tank top, blow dry her hair, deliver her to school by 7:27, return home because I forgot the camera (as if this day isn't memorable enough!), park car (whose gas light just popped on) in friend's driveway unannounced (leaving the car unlocked with the keys on the floor; whoever steals it will get about two blocks), rush into school and to the balcony to my seat, having missed only the first two songs (neither of which feature my kids).

THIS is the breakthrough moment. I CANNOT live like this! Like the bloated sheep day of Quest #1, I endured so much emotional pain that if change doesn't happen now, it never will. Besides breaking traffic laws (speeding), moral laws (handicap placard, lies) and yelling a lot at my patient and enduring husband (the teenager told me that when he left for school at 6:55 p.m., husband whispered, "Take me with you!"), the STRESS of it all must have sheered off hours of my life.

REMEMBER THE PAIN.

Oh, and the concert was fabulous. I cried when teenager's choir sang 100 Years - ironically, another time reference. Time goes by so fast, and I certainly don't want to be spending it stressing out on the freeway. So this is it. Until tomorrow.

Day 5: Um...

Today I learned three things:

1) The metro transit bus system is VERY punctual.
2) The clock in my car is VERY accurate.
3) When the clock says 8:11, this means the bus left two minutes ago.

Today, I met the bus as I drove into the park and ride lot. And unlike the school bus of my childhood, it did not stop and wait for me. I need to leave my house between 7:15-7:25.

I have not found my Tommy card yet, but I have decided it will turn up when I clean this weekend. I have reached that point where I am absent mindedly leaving things all over the house - I couldn't find my pajamas this evening because for some reason, I left them on the couch this morning after my shower. Weird. I found a bus pass that I last remembered being in my pants pocket in the storage compartment between the seats in the Explorer. Huh. So this proves that my Tommy card could be ANYWHERE.

I'm beginning to think I am unable to be on time. Today is the half way point and I have yet to catch that dang bus! Or go to bed on time...

Day 4: Missed the Bus, Missing Items

My missing Tommy card screwed me over today. I'll try that again. I lack the self-control to stop looking for my Tommy card.

My student ID at St. Thomas is missing. Do I need it? No, not really. I kind of needed it this morning, but when I couldn't find it, I managed. But I'm getting ahead of myself.

I was ready to leave the house at 7:25. I was in the car. I ran back inside to grab my bus pass, and grab my Tommy card. But I couldn't find it. I looked in pockets, on my dresser, in my briefcase... I finally pulled myself away about 7:37. I missed the bus by about ten minutes. Since I was now driving anyways and parking in the school ramp, I had time to run to the law journal office to look for a Conflicts List that I needed for my summer clerkship. The security officer let me in, but the list wasn't there!

I didn't start billing until 9:38 a.m. I left about 5:40 p.m. (Considerably later than my 5:07 goal). And now that I'm home, I'm obsessed with trying to find that dang card! I checked my golf bag, my purses, every pants pocket... Last remembered sighting was when I got my student discount at J. Crew last week Tuesday at 6 p.m. I called J. Crew and they don't have it either.

I HATE LOSING THINGS! I could barely tear myself away to write this post. I need to go to bed at 10 p.m. We'll see if that happens. My punctuality is being severely challenged today...

Day 3: The Time Cushion

I left the house at 9:50. I couldn't sleep last night. I finished my "Sleepy Time" tea around 2 a.m. I ignored my 7 a.m. alarm. I rolled out of bed and moved to the couch so as to be of more assistance to Daughter. After the kids left, I snoozed until about 8:30, then began getting ready for the day. I think the ten minutes over budget came from the atypical activities of looking for my passport (for my I-9), wrapping my brace around a heeled shoe, and having to re-do my outfit after my pants proved to be an inch too long (do black pants go with lavender-white striped shirt? My first choice was grey...). BUT, because I built in extra time, I arrived at the office at 11:15 a.m. So victory as to getting to work on time!

The next challenge is to be punctual about getting home. The competitive workaholic in me has to fight the urge to stay "just ten minutes longer" so I can finish this, that, and the other thing.

Tomorrow, I need to be at the bus stop by 8:09 a.m., so I should leave home between 7:20-7:30. My goal is to get into the habit of getting up at 6 a.m. and going to bed at 10 p.m. Returning home, I need to be at the bus stop by 5:09.

Day 2: Mothers and Alarm Clocks

I went to bed at 12:30 a.m. I was hanging out with family. Church was at 10:30 a.m. I assumed husband would get me up. He assumed he would get up. Nobody set an alarm.

We got up at 10:50 a.m. My initial reaction was, "Why didn't my mom get me up?"

Probably because I'm almost thirty, married, with two kids. But still. Something inside me still wants my mom to know what's best for me, and to impose her wisdom upon me by yelling "Time for church!" up the stairs.

Instead, I have a mother who teaches by example. She was in bed far before 12:30 a.m. She was probably up by 6:30 a.m., so she could get in the (only) shower before everyone else bottlenecked in the bathroom. She starts coffee and puts out breakfast foods.

Compare that picture of the Proverbial Wife of Noble Character with this one: this mom goes to bed later than she should. She usually lacks the eight hours of sleep necessary for civility and kindness. She soundly sleeps as husband gets up for work at 4:00 a.m. and leaves at 5:30 a.m. She might hear daughter eat breakfast by herself at 5:30 a.m. and incoherently ask something nit-picky like, "How much cereal did you take?" before falling back asleep. Daughter is now in the habit of approaching mom's bed for mom's approval of her lunch (which she packs herself), her apparel, and to sign her school planner. Sad to say, there have been mornings where both kids leave at 7:30 a.m. and all they get is a muffled, "Change the world!" from the bedroom.

Once upon a time, the family did "Family Breakfast" at 5 a.m. It involved breakfast, mandatory family attendance, and a devotional. It was good. Daughter loved it. Teenager sort of hated it, but attended. I liked the idea of it. But at times, lacked the discipline to enforce it as much as I should have. When husband had to leave at 5 a.m. (vs. 5:30 a.m.), Family Breakfast came to an end. We could re-institute family breakfast, because husband leaves at 5:30 a.m. again. Pro: it is a wonderful concept: everyone gathered around the breakfast table to talk, eat and pray. Con: I have much more quality conversation with teenager late at night then early in the morning. Maybe it should just be instituted a few days per week.

Well, it is now 11:15 p.m. I need to get to bed. Tomorrow is the first day of clerking, and I need to be there by 11:30 a.m. I will be there at 11:15 a.m. Since I will be driving, I will need to leave 20 minutes to walk from the parking ramp to the office, and 1 hour 15 minutes for the commute. Therefore, my goal is to leave home between 9:30 and 9:40 a.m.

Day 1: Rough Start

My problem is that I like to stay up late. Like right now, typing away as the eleven o'clock hour nears. I know that in order to stick to my great plan of punctuality, I needed to go to sleep an hour ago. And yet, hanging out in the living room with the teenager while catching up on email, facebook and blogging is so relaxing that I am unwilling to go to bed. As an international adoptee, my mom recalls me standing in my crib and grinning at her in the middle of the night, and she swears I have yet to adjust to the time change!

Day one did not go well, but there were no hard deadlines either. The family was traveling three hours to visit my hometown, and our "goal" was 8 a.m., knowing that if we got going before 9 a.m. it would be a victory. I drug myself out of bed at 7:06 (I hit the snooze but then talked myself out of bed before 7:09) and crankily began rounding up the children, packed my bag, directed husband... and we were out the door around 8:30 a.m. I was tired. I did not get 8 hours of sleep.

I had planned to celebrate my brother and sister-in-law's pregnancy at 1:15 at a Chinese Restaurant. Growing up, I worked there and knew it was a 15 minute drive from the farm. Husband and I left the farm at 1:12. We were engaged in such fun conversation... but luckily we got a text from sister-in-law that they were five minutes behind... and we actually beat them to the restaurant! Victory (sort of?)!

This punctuality thing is going to be tough. It isn't fun getting up and being cranky. But I so enjoy the calm of the late night! And hanging out with the teenager... And being late to lunch didn't create any negative repercussions... Maybe I'm just not the punctual type.

Quest #2: Punctuality

The source of conflict in so many of my relationships - my inability to be on time - will be the focus of Free To Be Me for the next 10 days.

To all those who get angry with me when I am late: you're right. It is SO rude and inconsiderate of your time. When I am late, I AM saying that my time is more important than your time. I DO need to leave habitual lateness in my twenties.

In an effort to be very efficient with my time, I simply don't allow myself enough of it. I underestimate how long it will take me to do things, and I never build in time for the unexpected. My perfectionist nature says I can do the impossible, but my husband, family and friends confront me with the truth (usually in the form of self-controlled silence as I give some lame-o excuse of why I'm late again). I feel rushed, anxious and defensive when I'm late. There are times when, despite my best efforts, God has another plan. And then there are times when I make choices that I know will make me late, but my desire for the immediate benefit (ten more minutes of sleep, ten more minutes with a friend, ten more minutes reading) eclipses the withdrawal of ten minutes to someone else.

For the next 10 days, I will wake up a minimum of one hour before I need to leave the house. I will go to sleep eight hours before I need to wake up. And I will physically be at appointments ten minutes prior to its start.

Day 10: End of Quest #1

What I learned from the past 10 days:

1) Getting 30 minutes of activity every day is easier when I don't call it exercise. Walking Mocha, walking with friends, walking to garage sales, walking on the golf course, walking at the zoo... all are enjoyable! And 30 minutes is an easy amount of time that I can fit in to my daily schedule.

2) I have a lot of food habits that need to be deconstructed. I need to accept that I have almost no willpower to stop eating when food is in front of me. Methods of getting out of the clean plate club include pouring water on my restaurant food when I'm full, moving food out of sight (especially snackies) when I'm not hungry, and ordering ice cream treats and immediately throwing away the half I'm not going to eat.

3) I need to limit "celebrations": Bloated sheep splurges (eat all you want even when you aren't hungry because the food only comes once per year) are limited to Thanksgiving, Christmas, Anniversary, Birthday, Easter and one bonus day. Mini splurges (Caribou coffee, blizzards, Cafe Latte chocolate cake) are limited to once per week.

4) Paying attention to food's effect on my body has been very powerful. When I overeat and indulge, I feel lethargic, slow and grumpy. I feel bad about myself. When I am active and treat myself now and then, I am generally more energetic and happy. See Day 5: Bloated Sheep for a prime example.

In conclusion, Quest #1 has set the foundation for a life habit of 30 minutes of activity per day (I have been doing this since day 4), and for prevention of bloated sheep days. I will check in every so often to let you know if the life habit stuck. I don't expect to lose oodles of weight quickly since I'm not focusing on reducing calorie intake or intense workouts. I am curious to see if these life habits will result in some movement on the scale, and will alert you when I reach the 175 marker.

Day 9: Strategies That Work

A day of celebrating the end of 2L year of law school! And I am proud to say, I think my calorie consumption and expulsion came out about even. I had a poptart and bottled Starbucks frappacino (instead of coffee shop coffee and pastry) walked on the golf course while pulling my bag (no golf cart), I ate a Chipotle burrito bol (instead of burrito), walked around the zoo (for close to 2.5 hours), was not a bloated sheep after dinner (poured water on my food after I was full; passed up ice cream dessert) and was a dancing MACHINE at a local concert. Being active is fun!

Day 8: Getting the Hang of It!

I had time to take a nice long walk with Mocha, and I had no bloated sheep moments.

I've been thinking of what my next 10 day quest will be... perhaps something having to do with being punctual, since I begin my new clerkship on Monday. I had a horrible dream last night that I actually started the clerkship TODAY. The sinking feeling was horrible, I kept saying "I thought I started Monday!" A dark haired man called me and was really nasty, asking where I was (it was 11 a.m. and I had said I would be there at 9 a.m.), and I was frantic to leave the house immediately even though I hadn't showered because it would take me an hour to get down there... I was getting dressed in the car, I drove into a river, somehow I appeared at work but everyone was really mean to me so I cried. I'm hoping I haven't suddenly received the gift of prophecy.

Other 10 day quests include working on my relationship with the daughter, cleaning and de-cluttering my home (especially in anticipation of graduation open house), eating out less, mini-mission project... it looks like I have enough ideas to last me 3350 days...

Ah, the journey!

Thanks for Freeing Me!

Just a note to recognize my shopping partner, who today freed me from one of those deceptive shirts that go on so easily but will NOT COME OFF no matter how hard you pull, how may ways you cross your arms over your head, or how many angles you point your elbow. Short of dislocating my shoulder, that shirt was not coming off... my overly-muscular, toned arms were so buff (ha ha) that the teeny tiny sleeves would not budge. Somehow I wriggled myself into the compromising position of having both arms behind my back, shirt sleeves cutting off circulation about three inches above each elbow. At this point, I can do nothing more than cry for help to my shopping partner, (oh yes, did I mention that I took my pants off first?) who has to enter my changing room and pull the shirt off, leaving me covered solely in my underwear and my shame.

Thanks for Freeing Me, Dear Shopping Partner.

Day 7: Every Day Can't Be A Holiday...

Yesterday was "splurge because it's the kid's last band concert!" And generally, we all agreed it was a day worthy of recognition and a McFlurry.

Today for breakfast, I had a specialty coffee and a scone from the local coffee shop... because I was on my way to my last final! Then for lunch, I had an Erb's and Gerb's sub (wheat bread at least, and that was a hard decision to make)... because I was done with law school for the semester! Later that afternoon, I purchased a strawberry banana smoothie... because I was shopping! And after a small plate of stroganoff, I ate home-made sushi... because I was done with law school for the semester? Wait, I think I used that one already...

It dawned on me today that I recognize and honor many, many events. I pay tribute by eating out. For my anniversary, husband and I go to W.A. Frost. For Valentine's day, we've gotten in the habit of eating Lobstergrams. For my birthday, Kikugawa. And those are only the widely recognized holidays! I have also celebrated breaking my leg, the beginning (and end) of the law school semester, Spring Break, getting a good grade on a paper, shooting an awesome round of golf, etc. The list goes on. Need to celebrate? Eat lots of food. We enter a real danger zone when buffets are introduced: the casino buffet, Q Mandarin buffet, Old Country Buffet...

Every day can't be a holiday! This is all part of the excess that has put me 25 pounds overweight!

So there. Alert the media. Christmas is canceled.

And yes, I did my 30 minutes of activity today. I managed to drink only half my coffee and eat only half the scone, and throw half my lunch-coke away. I had whispers of bloated sheep after lunch (I need to get in the habit of listening to my stomach, instead of devouring my typical serving of food). I did a good job of not taking another plate of stroganoff, anticipating the sushi delight. Overall, things are getting better. I checked my calendar, and there are no more holidays this week (well, Thursday was supposed to be Study Group Celebration, and this weekend I was celebrating with my pregnant Sister in Law by going to Red Lobster...)

Day 6: The day it was OK to eat a McFlurry

Yes, I ate a McDonald's McFlurry after 9 p.m. And I feel GREAT.

The point of this blog was to figure out what I can change and what I can't. Or Won't. And when my high school senior, on the night of his last band concert, asks me if I want to get something to eat afterwards, I accept despite the Bloated Sheep baaing in my head.

And when he continues to drive to McDonalds, even after he realizes I don't have any money on me and he will have to purchase our treats, the baaing grows more and more faint.

And when we're at the pay window of McDonalds, laughing because we are trying to find $.56 in change in his ridiculously dirty car because he thought his gift card had $10 on it but really it only had $5, I forgot about calories and just enjoyed the McFlurry.

That isn't 100% how it went. Honestly, the bloated sheep was a little louder than I would have liked. I didn't eat all of my McFlurry. And I'm not sure how I feel about it; on one hand, the memory of getting the McFlurry makes me want to indulge guilt-free into the calories. On the other hand, if it's about the memory then I shouldn't feel bad that I ate less than half of my treat.

Food guilt is a funny thing. Because ice cream has been an often-used medium for family bonding, I feel like I dishonored the kid's gift by not eating it. I am fighting feelings of guilt as I stare at the melted mess of caramel and ice cream - what kind of mom is more worried about calories than celebrating with her kid?

And yet, I DID eat it. I ate a little under half. I tasted it, and enjoyed it, and it HAS TO BE OK that I didn't eat it all! Ugh - apparently the Clean Plate Club isn't letting me out without a fight!

The guilt stops here. McFlurry Night.

Check out "Definition - Otherness"

To my faithful followers...

Please check out "Definition - Otherness" blog, you will find a link in My Blog List on the right side of the screen. I might be biased, but I was pretty impressed with the creativity and humor :-)

Day 5: Bloated Sheep

"Sheep, mere sheeeeep, easily dispersed if you strike the shepherd" - King Edward the Longshanks in Braveheart.

My dad has a general dislike of sheep. He thinks they are stupid. Any animal that eats itself to death is not worthy of his affection. As farm kids know, sheep will eat themselves to death when it comes to grain.

I fear I am in danger of losing my father's love.

You see, tonight I just about ate myself to death. Like a sheep let out in a bean field, I was at a dinner celebrating the kid's senior status. The meal was lasagna (excellent noodle consistency, distinct cheese filling), salad (sugared almonds, mandarin oranges and a fabulous dressing over lettuce), fruit salad (some kind of strawberry goodness mixed with just a little bit of jello and topped with a whipped cream layer) and garlic bread (big loaf, cut in half and smothered inside with garlic butter). Dessert was blueberry cobbler. I had a plate and was full.

Then Day 1 Me began baaing. Just a little bit more I thought as I creeped back into the kitchen. Did a little small talk as I stealthily spooned a "little" more salad onto my plate. And what's this? Daughter didn't finish her plate? I should take half her lasagna to reduce waste. And now that I have this additional lasagna, I really need another half of garlic bread... ooh and now I have to have a glass of milk and dessert...

Baaaaaaa. About five minutes later the food began expanding and suddenly I wanted to lie on the floor and die. So full. So stupid. So so stupid. I could barely talk after that, I just kept feeling like my "in-y" belly button was about to pop into an "outie."

I got home and instantly went on a walk with Mocha. I feel only minimally better, physically and emotionally. I can't even say I was following the lead of everyone else - I was the lone sheep wandering around in excess.

I must hold onto this pain, and use it in the future. This feeling is forever termed, the Bloated Sheep. And I HATE Bloated Sheep.

Day 4: Victory

This morning husband and I and chubby Mocha went on a walk! Woohoo! A few more million walks and Mocha and I will be back to our svelte selves.

I ate well. The kid brought a blizzard home, and I ate less than half because husband shared it with me.

It was a good day. Open house invites ready to mail, managed almost-eighteen years worth of pictures of the kid for several graduation-related purposes, and hosted Stella and her owner. One of them left two suspicious puddles in my kitchen and rolled around in poo, while the other knocked over a candle and grooved to Hannah Montana.

Beginning to worry about my final on Tuesday... should consider studying sometime soon...

Side Note: The Red Tent

I read The Red Tent today. My initial reaction is that I don't like the way the author cynically assumes the Bible whitewashes its contents,or that the Bible intentionally misleads its reader. The author perpetuates the theory of an unreliable, untruthful Bible - a theory I am strongly opposed to.

In Red Tent, the massacre to appease Dinah's good name was done in bad faith, and Dinah the heroine curses her family as a result. I enjoy a well-written, historical fiction; but I am skeptical when it pretends to "tell the inside story" of the Bible in such a way that it contradicts the truth of the Bible. I can't remember the title of the book, but a few years ago I read a historical nonfiction about the "inside story of Jesus," as told by Mary Magdalene, a Celtic healer who actually possessed the supernatural powers attributed to Jesus. That book repulsed me, as it credited Jesus' resurrection to her supernatural powers. I was so amazed at the blasphemy that I couldn't stop reading... and honestly, I wish I had, because when I read the gospels at times snippets of the book will enter my mind and tarnish the truth with an author's sexualized, occultish version of Jesus. I don't think the Red Tent rises to that level, but perhaps I am more lenient when literary license is taken with the Old Testament versus the foundation of my salvation.

The short review: If you believe the Bible is the inerrant word of God, you will have some problems with The Red Tent. At times, the creative new perspective is fun and refreshing, but for me it crossed the line when it went beyond filling in the holes of the Bible and began contradicting it. I am secure in my faith, but I have concern for the message of the Bible's incredibility continually reinforced by society. Reading this book gave me an almost jealous appreciation of the "red tent," or the three days every month when women got to hang out without men, and reminds me that God created women to take time out for intimacy with each other. But overall I am left with the sinking feeling that I gave this book my most valuable resource - my time - and in the end, I don't feel my life was improved. Maybe it was improved because of the thought it provoked. Or maybe I should have spent more time studying for my final on Tuesday.

All thoughts welcome.