This quest is worth its weight in gold. Many tension-filled moments have been replaced with happy conversations or acts of affection. And today, when the moment arose when some intervention was needed, I was able to act both calmly, and relatively guilt-free.
Daughter has pretty blond hair cut a few inches below the shoulders. A problem that has developed is her "flapping" technique of pulling her fingers through her hair and then flipping it over her shoulder. Flapping means she does it compulsively, almost obsessively at times. It isn't your typical nervous habit.
While doing some online research so I could better explain flapping, I came across an article that leads me to think daughter has some autism tendencies. And it also reinforces the importance of reducing flapping behaviors. When daughter first came to live with us, she had an elastic band that she flapped almost constantly. Mean mommy that I am, the elastic bands disappeared. Daughter has made significant improvements in the past five years, perhaps due in part to reducing the amount of time spent flapping and increasing her interpersonal interactions.
Anyways, this evening I gave daughter my kind, non-nagging prompt to stop playing with her hair. And when she did it again, I kindly directed her to bring me a hair binder and I french braided her hair. I was sure to tell her how cute she looked, and how tomorrow it would be wavy, and that if she didn't want it braided she needed to try not to play with her hair. Daughter was visibly unhappy about the braid, but when she was praised later in the evening for handling the situation maturely she proudly said she was grown up. If I had shamed her for hair flapping (my more typical and natural reaction), I am pretty sure the story would lack a happy ending.
Oh Daughter Dare, You are Changing my Life!
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