Halloween was not too exciting at this end of town. We manned the door until 6 p.m., then met ChoirFriend and her dad for pizza. We ended the night eating Schwan's ice cream bars while admiring ChoirFriend's fabulous new red couches.
I had this really great idea. I would take a look at October, and then summarize how it went. Except, when I went to look at the past month's posts, I found this entry. Crap. Apparently I did this last month, and posted some goals... that I quickly forgot about.
I had stated that I wanted to:
1) Pack my lunch three times per week. I had a good start, but it fell apart after Fall Break. I have definitely improved in this area, though. I don't eat out as much, and when I do my choices are consciously more healthy and/or more economical.
2) Do my back exercises daily, for at least 10 minutes. Yeah, I haven't been doing them at all.
3) Minimum of 7 hours of sleep every night. Fail.
4) Think about any calendar event for 24 hours before adding it. While I am still overscheduled, I am more aware of the choices I make and how it will affect me. I generally don't get asked to do things on short notice anymore, thus avoiding the knee-jerk reaction of "yes, I can do that!" I realize I cannot add any more events to my schedule, and routinely delete or decline invitations.
5) Spend time with teenager during Homecoming, visit SweetNiece, and eat ice cream with ChoirFriend. I did spend time with the teenager during Homecoming, I did visit SweetNiece for her baptism, and tonight I ate ice cream (bars) with ChoirFriend! Woohoo! CHECK!
I did not invest in sleep or exercise, and I am feeling emotionally drained and fat. UGH. The month had some definite high points, but the past week has been pretty rough. I'm searching for the secret recipe to feeling good about how I spend my time. From October, I learned I need to return home earlier from long weekends to avoid a week's worth of catching up; that I need to "let things go" that I can't (or shouldn't) control; that my way isn't the only way (or the best way); and that I have really really good friends and family in my life.
Sunday, October 31, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Scariest Pumpkin Ever
Earlier this month, Daughter needed a pumpkin to carve at an activity group she attends twice a month. We sent her with a whole pumpkin, imagining she would return with a jack-o-lantern of some kind, whether painted or carved. She returned with a hallowed-out pumpkin with a one big hole in the middle. To her credit, Daughter had drawn eyes on with a sharpie, so it looked like a pumpkin with a HUGE-open-mouth smile. This past month Husband and I have been making the pumpkin face to each other - you simply open up your mouth as big as you possible can in a smile and close your eyes, often tipping your head back. It's our scary face.
The warm days and nights have not been good to Smiles. Black mold is slowly eating him, and the rain of the past few days filled him up. Smiles' dignity officially disappeared when his stem hat fell into his head and floated pathetically on the small pool of water within.
Husband and I are horribly frightened of Smiles. Neither of us wants to touch the dang thing, much less figure out how to dispose of him. The combination of the mold and the sitting water is decomposing Smiles at an alarming rate. A nice hard freeze would take care of the mushy water situation. But everyone knows jack-o-lanterns past Halloween are horribly tacky, and I'm afraid the level of freeze needed to keep Smiles in one solid piece isn't coming for another week or two.
*shudder* I am afraid. Very Afraid.
The warm days and nights have not been good to Smiles. Black mold is slowly eating him, and the rain of the past few days filled him up. Smiles' dignity officially disappeared when his stem hat fell into his head and floated pathetically on the small pool of water within. Husband and I are horribly frightened of Smiles. Neither of us wants to touch the dang thing, much less figure out how to dispose of him. The combination of the mold and the sitting water is decomposing Smiles at an alarming rate. A nice hard freeze would take care of the mushy water situation. But everyone knows jack-o-lanterns past Halloween are horribly tacky, and I'm afraid the level of freeze needed to keep Smiles in one solid piece isn't coming for another week or two.
*shudder* I am afraid. Very Afraid.
Friday, October 29, 2010
When It Rains...
When it rains, it pours.
This week has been full of relational woes. More specifically, I am involved in intensive relationship repair with some precious people in my life.
I am stuck in some unhealthy relationship cycles. It goes like this: my actions produce a response in you, and your subsequent actions produce a response in me, and the cycle goes on and on. Sometimes the cycle is good. For example, I give Mocha a treat when we come inside after she does her doggy business. Good cycle. But the cycle can also be bad. I nag at the teenager when he doesn't do the dishes, and he retaliates by putting them off longer, and I nag more, and he puts off doing them longer. Bad cycle.
Breaking unhealthy cycles of interaction are challenging when the interaction has become a habitual way of interacting, and the interaction occurs on a regular basis. How long can relationships withstand unhealthy, terminal cycles? Recognizing I can only control my own actions, how do I help my counterparts break the cycle? Right now, my unhealthy relationship cycles leave both of us feeling hurt, attacked and helpless to change. Neither of us wants the other to feel bad, but cycles are hard to break. One cycle I will share is my tendency to over-schedule my life. I get too busy, which leads to general relationship neglect, which leads to scheduling of dates to fix the relationships, which leads to more over-scheduling... the cycle continues, with me constantly putting out fires with people who feel neglected!
While it seems like the relational explosion at issue this week came "out of nowhere," it is more accurate that the hurt cycle has been quietly turning beneath the surface for weeks, months, years. One cycle, like one rain drop, isn't such a big deal - but a ga-jillion rain drops is a messy, painful flood. Honestly, I didn't see it coming! But hindsight is truly 20/20, and looking back I see signs that should have alerted me of the relational tension: the growing and almost constant guilt, the lack of communication, and the feelings of total exhaustion.
On one hand, I am blessed with large amounts of family, friends and special communities of people. The downside is that I give too much of myself away to these wonderful people in my life. I am resentful because there isn't much of me leftover after I've helped everyone I need to help, everyone I want to help, and everyone I feel compelled to help. But what is the limit? What is the extent of what I can give? When is it OK to sacrifice for Me?
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This week has been full of relational woes. More specifically, I am involved in intensive relationship repair with some precious people in my life.
I am stuck in some unhealthy relationship cycles. It goes like this: my actions produce a response in you, and your subsequent actions produce a response in me, and the cycle goes on and on. Sometimes the cycle is good. For example, I give Mocha a treat when we come inside after she does her doggy business. Good cycle. But the cycle can also be bad. I nag at the teenager when he doesn't do the dishes, and he retaliates by putting them off longer, and I nag more, and he puts off doing them longer. Bad cycle.
Breaking unhealthy cycles of interaction are challenging when the interaction has become a habitual way of interacting, and the interaction occurs on a regular basis. How long can relationships withstand unhealthy, terminal cycles? Recognizing I can only control my own actions, how do I help my counterparts break the cycle? Right now, my unhealthy relationship cycles leave both of us feeling hurt, attacked and helpless to change. Neither of us wants the other to feel bad, but cycles are hard to break. One cycle I will share is my tendency to over-schedule my life. I get too busy, which leads to general relationship neglect, which leads to scheduling of dates to fix the relationships, which leads to more over-scheduling... the cycle continues, with me constantly putting out fires with people who feel neglected!
While it seems like the relational explosion at issue this week came "out of nowhere," it is more accurate that the hurt cycle has been quietly turning beneath the surface for weeks, months, years. One cycle, like one rain drop, isn't such a big deal - but a ga-jillion rain drops is a messy, painful flood. Honestly, I didn't see it coming! But hindsight is truly 20/20, and looking back I see signs that should have alerted me of the relational tension: the growing and almost constant guilt, the lack of communication, and the feelings of total exhaustion.
On one hand, I am blessed with large amounts of family, friends and special communities of people. The downside is that I give too much of myself away to these wonderful people in my life. I am resentful because there isn't much of me leftover after I've helped everyone I need to help, everyone I want to help, and everyone I feel compelled to help. But what is the limit? What is the extent of what I can give? When is it OK to sacrifice for Me?
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Plant Killer
I hate plants. I love you SuperSaver. But I hate plants. And I'm not quite sure why you keep giving them to me!
By "hate" I mean I like to look at plants, but hate giving them any special time or treatment. Only the strongest plants survive here. I don't water very often - generally I wait for plants' leaves to droop - and I don't have people come take care of my plants when I am gone, no matter how long. I don't give them special food and I don't repot them.
We only have (er, had) four plants: the two from SuperSaver were a jade plant, and a peace lily from my Grandpa's funeral. The other two include a super-hefty plant in a planter Daughter brought home three years ago, and a venus fly trap from the teenager's "Little Shop of Horrors" musical last year.
I told Husband I wanted to get rid of the jade plant and Daughter's plant. He asked me why, it's not like I took time to water them or anything. Hmph. He's got a point, I don't really do anything for those two (they don't droop like the peace lily), I'm not sure how they survive, but they clutter up the top of the microwave!
Then fate gave me my "out." I closed the dishwasher a little too hard the other day, and the jade plant came tumbling down from the microwave (which sits on the dishwasher). Haha! The pot (an old coffee cup with the handle broken off) broke into pieces, Daughter and I paused for a moment and stared, and then I swept it all up into the garbage. Only three left before I can live plant-free...
Today, I visit my two Supers, and SuperSaver gives me another plant.
This time, it was flowers, and I do like them... but apparently my subconscious killer tendencies are on high alert. I tried to leave the flowers with SuperDuper (we were at her house) because they might freeze in the car, but both gave me such disparaging looks and told me it was NOT cold enough for the flowers to freeze. So I put the flower arrangement on the passenger side floor and drove away.
When I got home, I picked up the plant and realized it was all crunchy... I had the heater on and it had blown directly on the flowers. Half of them were totally dried out. Oh SuperSaver, I'm sorry I'm such an epic fail at taking care of living things... but please, feel free to leave your baby (due in March!) with me anytime.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Does Wonder Woman Wear Elastic Belts?
My youngest sister, Famous Diva, is in her early twenties. She is still relatively wild and crazy, but she's slowing down a bit. For example, she is considering the grown-up decision of whether to buy a house! Another example of her fading partying years lies in this year's Halloween costume.
This year, she had aspirations of going as Wonder Woman. She found a costume and tried it on. Everything looked fabulous.
Until she put on the belt.
The velcro belt went on easily enough. But one step forward and *SCWING!* the belt went flying forwards off of her body with enough speed to take out a small child. FamousDiva was not be deterred. She put the belt on again, and carefully and slowly tried to make a move. *SCWING!*
An old person, like say me, would take this as a sign that perhaps I am no longer Wonder-Woman-Worthy. But not FamousDiva. With mother's support, she plans to alter the belt so it has an elastic extender in the back. At least she has the good sense to laugh at herself: a svelte and sexy Wonder Woman with an elastic extender to protect small children from the deadly belt-projectile!
Trick or Treat, FamousDiva?
This year, she had aspirations of going as Wonder Woman. She found a costume and tried it on. Everything looked fabulous.
Until she put on the belt.
The velcro belt went on easily enough. But one step forward and *SCWING!* the belt went flying forwards off of her body with enough speed to take out a small child. FamousDiva was not be deterred. She put the belt on again, and carefully and slowly tried to make a move. *SCWING!*
An old person, like say me, would take this as a sign that perhaps I am no longer Wonder-Woman-Worthy. But not FamousDiva. With mother's support, she plans to alter the belt so it has an elastic extender in the back. At least she has the good sense to laugh at herself: a svelte and sexy Wonder Woman with an elastic extender to protect small children from the deadly belt-projectile!
Trick or Treat, FamousDiva?
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Update in Under 100 Words (with a postscript)
Friday night: I was with Hol-dog at a meeting. I am the alumni vice president of my undergrad sorority.
Saturday: The whole family, including the teenager, made the three hour trek south for SweetNiece's baptism. Husband and I were asked to be godparents - what an honor! On the way down we stopped and got the teenager fitted for a suit. He is joining a fraternity, the same fraternity Husband was in. He looked so mature!
Sunday: The baptism. All my siblings were in attendance, minus my brother-in-law.
Monday: LawLady and I went to my first Wild hockey game.
P.S. I am also struggling with Daughter. Her behaviors, while likely influenced by her own feelings of insecurity due to the teenager leaving, are driving me CRAZY. Her behaviors, combined with the teenager's absence and subsequent additional supervisory responsibilities, are driving me CRAZY. When I say crazy, I mean all-out, breakdown-in-the-bathroom-crying-in-the-middle-of-the-night crazy.
All mom's have been there (so I've been told), and felt those murderous thoughts (so I've been told). To Moms everywhere, and mom's of special needs children - you are not alone! One thing that got me through one of the darkest nights I can remember was pushing myself to call my support network. It's hard for me to admit (1) I can't do it myself and (2) that I'm not perfect. To call a friend in my time of need, which unfortunately for them is midnight, requires both (1) and (2). But it was worth it. I know my heart's hope has been restored by prayer, by loving friends and family, and Husband. This topic requires a post of its own, but this summary will suffice for now.
Saturday: The whole family, including the teenager, made the three hour trek south for SweetNiece's baptism. Husband and I were asked to be godparents - what an honor! On the way down we stopped and got the teenager fitted for a suit. He is joining a fraternity, the same fraternity Husband was in. He looked so mature!
Sunday: The baptism. All my siblings were in attendance, minus my brother-in-law.
Monday: LawLady and I went to my first Wild hockey game.
P.S. I am also struggling with Daughter. Her behaviors, while likely influenced by her own feelings of insecurity due to the teenager leaving, are driving me CRAZY. Her behaviors, combined with the teenager's absence and subsequent additional supervisory responsibilities, are driving me CRAZY. When I say crazy, I mean all-out, breakdown-in-the-bathroom-crying-in-the-middle-of-the-night crazy.
All mom's have been there (so I've been told), and felt those murderous thoughts (so I've been told). To Moms everywhere, and mom's of special needs children - you are not alone! One thing that got me through one of the darkest nights I can remember was pushing myself to call my support network. It's hard for me to admit (1) I can't do it myself and (2) that I'm not perfect. To call a friend in my time of need, which unfortunately for them is midnight, requires both (1) and (2). But it was worth it. I know my heart's hope has been restored by prayer, by loving friends and family, and Husband. This topic requires a post of its own, but this summary will suffice for now.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Quest #12: Storing Treasure in Heaven
I took some time today to talk to God. I was in the house alone. I sat down with my Bible and journal. I frantically word-vomited in my journal, with all my demands and complaints. Then I prayed for all the answers I wanted. And then I fell asleep. (Hey, God gives sleep to those he loves, Psalm 127:2)
When I woke up, my mind lazily wandered around the passages I was reading. I was less on a mission and more just there. Waiting. And my journaling was more introspective than accusatory. And my anxiety was lessened. And I will share with you now what I got from my quiet time.
You can't serve two masters. You hate one and love the other. Or you're devoted to one and despise the other. You can't serve both God and Money.
Sometimes I wonder, why won't God let me win the lottery? I would tithe right off the bat. I would use the money for building community centers and churches, and develop jobs for rural areas. I would be such a good steward of the money!
But then I'm faced with how I spend my money right now. I could begin to invest in some of these dreams now. But it's much harder, because the pot of money is so much smaller. Every dollar in the dream-bank is one less dollar in the me-bank. It's harder. It makes me invest a lot more. I want it to be EASY to serve God with my money. And it's easy to serve God with my money when I have lots of it.
Acknowledging it will be a constant struggle (like all my quests!), I want to focus more on storing treasure in heaven. For me, that means my decision-making process does not begin with, "How much will it cost/pay?" but with, "Is this something I was uniquely created to do?" My life has meaning when I remember I have a job to do.
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When I woke up, my mind lazily wandered around the passages I was reading. I was less on a mission and more just there. Waiting. And my journaling was more introspective than accusatory. And my anxiety was lessened. And I will share with you now what I got from my quiet time.
You can't serve two masters. You hate one and love the other. Or you're devoted to one and despise the other. You can't serve both God and Money.
Sometimes I wonder, why won't God let me win the lottery? I would tithe right off the bat. I would use the money for building community centers and churches, and develop jobs for rural areas. I would be such a good steward of the money!
But then I'm faced with how I spend my money right now. I could begin to invest in some of these dreams now. But it's much harder, because the pot of money is so much smaller. Every dollar in the dream-bank is one less dollar in the me-bank. It's harder. It makes me invest a lot more. I want it to be EASY to serve God with my money. And it's easy to serve God with my money when I have lots of it.
Acknowledging it will be a constant struggle (like all my quests!), I want to focus more on storing treasure in heaven. For me, that means my decision-making process does not begin with, "How much will it cost/pay?" but with, "Is this something I was uniquely created to do?" My life has meaning when I remember I have a job to do.
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Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Ten Questions I Don't Know The Answer To
1. Would I rather live in debt and work a job I love, or temporarily work a less favorable job to pay off all my debt?
2. When is a good time to start having kids?
3. When will daughter be ready to live in a group home?
4. Will Lia Sophia send me a replacement necklace without me paying $5?
5. Would I regret putting my kids in daycare?
6. Would I regret being a stay at home mom?
7. Would I feel better if husband was home with the kids, or would I feel jealous/guilty?
8. Is it possible to make all the wrong decisions and totally screw up the life God has planned for me?
9. Will the teenager marry someone I like?
10. If I knew the answers to all these questions, would I be any happier?
I am inviting any advice you have on any of these topics!
2. When is a good time to start having kids?
3. When will daughter be ready to live in a group home?
4. Will Lia Sophia send me a replacement necklace without me paying $5?
5. Would I regret putting my kids in daycare?
6. Would I regret being a stay at home mom?
7. Would I feel better if husband was home with the kids, or would I feel jealous/guilty?
8. Is it possible to make all the wrong decisions and totally screw up the life God has planned for me?
9. Will the teenager marry someone I like?
10. If I knew the answers to all these questions, would I be any happier?
I am inviting any advice you have on any of these topics!
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
Lia Sophia Strikes Back.
Yesterday I got a package in the mail from Lia Sophia. I actually felt a little guilty that I had bullied the girl over voice mail to send me my necklace despite not paying the $5. I assumed she figured, what's the use? This woman is obviously ridiculously stubborn and it will be way cheaper to just send her a new necklace. I also thought, maybe Rebecca checked out my blog and thought, wow, what a busy woman, no wonder she didn't have time to send back the necklace within 120 days.
Except Lia Sophia did not send me a nice, new necklace to replace my broken one. She spent $1.73 in postage to SEND IT BACK TO ME.
I now have the evidence of my original post-it note: "9/26/10 Dear Lia Sophia rep: My name is [freetobeme350]. I'm a busy mom, going to school, commuting 3 hours per day, raising a special needs child, etc. The halo necklace broke the first time I wore it. I did not have time to deal with it until now. I am NOT sending you $5 to fix a necklace that broke Day 1. If you refuse to replace it, keep the broken one and expect me to share my experience with others. Thanks for your time, [freetobeme350]"
Here is the response: "October 13, 2010 [address] Dear [freetobeme350], This letter is regarding an exchange that we have been holding for you. We have not received the proper documentation and/or payment needed to complete this exchange. Unfortunately, we are unable to process your request at this time. Enclosed you will find your merchandise along with your original paperwork. You may resubmit your request and we will be happy to process your exchange at that time. Please provide the necessary requirement(s): Handling Fee $5.00. Thank you, Rebecca D., Returns and Exchanges Specialist."
And for good measure, a footnote: "Any item exchanged for another item or returned for a merchandise certificate after 120 days from the date of purchase requires a $5 HANDLING FEE PER ITEM."
The one redeeming quality of this whole mailing is that Lia Sophia via Rebecca D. sent a postage-paid Business Reply Label. So that when I send them my broken necklace and my post-it note, I won't have to pay for shipping again. Honestly, I'm not sure yet what I'm going to do. Part of me is fascinated at the inefficiencies of Lia Sophia - they have expended far more than $5 already in time, energy and postage to make sure I give them $5 - and I want to see just how much time, energy and postage they will expend. The rest of me is slightly embarrassed at my unwillingness to spend $5... but then I get all riled up again, because it's basically a TAX on people who are BUSY trying to make the WORLD A BETTER PLACE! (Yes, 100% of all my time has been spent making the world a better place since 3/23/2010... oh shut up.)
Lia Sophia. Share the Love of Jewelry. Within 120 Days.
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Except Lia Sophia did not send me a nice, new necklace to replace my broken one. She spent $1.73 in postage to SEND IT BACK TO ME.
I now have the evidence of my original post-it note: "9/26/10 Dear Lia Sophia rep: My name is [freetobeme350]. I'm a busy mom, going to school, commuting 3 hours per day, raising a special needs child, etc. The halo necklace broke the first time I wore it. I did not have time to deal with it until now. I am NOT sending you $5 to fix a necklace that broke Day 1. If you refuse to replace it, keep the broken one and expect me to share my experience with others. Thanks for your time, [freetobeme350]"
Here is the response: "October 13, 2010 [address] Dear [freetobeme350], This letter is regarding an exchange that we have been holding for you. We have not received the proper documentation and/or payment needed to complete this exchange. Unfortunately, we are unable to process your request at this time. Enclosed you will find your merchandise along with your original paperwork. You may resubmit your request and we will be happy to process your exchange at that time. Please provide the necessary requirement(s): Handling Fee $5.00. Thank you, Rebecca D., Returns and Exchanges Specialist."
And for good measure, a footnote: "Any item exchanged for another item or returned for a merchandise certificate after 120 days from the date of purchase requires a $5 HANDLING FEE PER ITEM."
The one redeeming quality of this whole mailing is that Lia Sophia via Rebecca D. sent a postage-paid Business Reply Label. So that when I send them my broken necklace and my post-it note, I won't have to pay for shipping again. Honestly, I'm not sure yet what I'm going to do. Part of me is fascinated at the inefficiencies of Lia Sophia - they have expended far more than $5 already in time, energy and postage to make sure I give them $5 - and I want to see just how much time, energy and postage they will expend. The rest of me is slightly embarrassed at my unwillingness to spend $5... but then I get all riled up again, because it's basically a TAX on people who are BUSY trying to make the WORLD A BETTER PLACE! (Yes, 100% of all my time has been spent making the world a better place since 3/23/2010... oh shut up.)
Lia Sophia. Share the Love of Jewelry. Within 120 Days.
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Monday, October 18, 2010
Fall Break!
Fall Break has begun! LawLady is on her honeymoon in Hawaii. LegallyBlond spent the weekend in Chicago. THH leaves for San Francisco on Wednesday (where else would a Tree-Hugging-Hippy go for break?). Casanova flew home to the East Coast on Saturday. Pez is in Europe!
Me? I spent today at my judicial externship five minutes down the road. Then I went to the volleyball game, a twenty minute drive. Now I am sitting on the couch eating leftover pizza rolls.
Wild and crazy. That's me.
Me? I spent today at my judicial externship five minutes down the road. Then I went to the volleyball game, a twenty minute drive. Now I am sitting on the couch eating leftover pizza rolls.
Wild and crazy. That's me.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Organizing the Chaos
When things are crazy, and I'm trying to make sense of life, I often begin by creating order in my surroundings. Due to my perfectionist tendencies, this activity consumes me and I am able to block out the rest of the world.
This weekend, I began Fall Break by de-cluttering the kitchen. I purchased drawer organizers and got rid of items that I had too many of, that I didn't use, or that I no longer needed. If anyone would like a never-been-used cappuccino machine (a wedding gift from SuperSaver; sorry SuperSaver, the idea of it is STILL so cool, but if I haven't used it yet...) a 9x11 pyrex (I'm thinking of you, PrayingMom!), or a Betty Crocker knife-block set (a hand-me-down from SuperDuper that has served me well) - let me know!
One item you will have to dumpster-dive to get is yet another wedding gift, the deep fat fryer. I was debating about the fate of the deep fat fryer and the bread machine. While these two items have immense practical use, I must admit to myself that neither has been used for the past year or two (or three?). I went outside and asked husband. We talked about the two appliances, and somehow we got onto the topic of whether the fryer had oil in it. I clearly remember him leaving the oil in. He clearly bet me a $1 he did not.
The photo clearly shows oil that has solidified into one nasty ooze. I can't remember the last time we used the deep fryer... long enough for vegetable oil to solidify... I paid Husband $1 to get rid of the disgusting oil receptacle.
I admit, there are some things that deserved to be thrown away that weren't. For example, I have a plastic container of "purgatory" items (excess pots and pans used for holiday cooking) and a box for my fondue party (An inventory revealed I have THREE fondue sets! I am giving myself one year to throw a fondue party or I have to get ride of two sets). Another self-imposed deadline is that I must make a loaf of bread with the bread machine before the year is over, or I have to get rid of the bread machine.
The sad part is that, while I still feel some sense of accomplishment, I also feel the stress coming back. That's the problem with blocking out the world! As soon as you stop to admire your work, the world starts to creep back into your head...
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This weekend, I began Fall Break by de-cluttering the kitchen. I purchased drawer organizers and got rid of items that I had too many of, that I didn't use, or that I no longer needed. If anyone would like a never-been-used cappuccino machine (a wedding gift from SuperSaver; sorry SuperSaver, the idea of it is STILL so cool, but if I haven't used it yet...) a 9x11 pyrex (I'm thinking of you, PrayingMom!), or a Betty Crocker knife-block set (a hand-me-down from SuperDuper that has served me well) - let me know!
One item you will have to dumpster-dive to get is yet another wedding gift, the deep fat fryer. I was debating about the fate of the deep fat fryer and the bread machine. While these two items have immense practical use, I must admit to myself that neither has been used for the past year or two (or three?). I went outside and asked husband. We talked about the two appliances, and somehow we got onto the topic of whether the fryer had oil in it. I clearly remember him leaving the oil in. He clearly bet me a $1 he did not.
The photo clearly shows oil that has solidified into one nasty ooze. I can't remember the last time we used the deep fryer... long enough for vegetable oil to solidify... I paid Husband $1 to get rid of the disgusting oil receptacle.
I admit, there are some things that deserved to be thrown away that weren't. For example, I have a plastic container of "purgatory" items (excess pots and pans used for holiday cooking) and a box for my fondue party (An inventory revealed I have THREE fondue sets! I am giving myself one year to throw a fondue party or I have to get ride of two sets). Another self-imposed deadline is that I must make a loaf of bread with the bread machine before the year is over, or I have to get rid of the bread machine.
The sad part is that, while I still feel some sense of accomplishment, I also feel the stress coming back. That's the problem with blocking out the world! As soon as you stop to admire your work, the world starts to creep back into your head...
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Saturday, October 16, 2010
Prayers for ChoirFriend
ChoirFriend is planning a total of eight chemotherapy treatments that will span the next four months. On Thursday, ChoirFriend had her first chemo treatment. Her mom and I escorted her. I never really understood exactly what chemo was. Now I know that it is a pink liquid that is administered into the bloodstream that kills any cells that are dividing quickly. Chemo cannot distinguish between fast-growing cancer cells and fast-growing hair cells, so you lose both. Any cell that divides quickly - such as everything associated with the process of digestion - is attacked by the chemo. It was startling to see the nurse put the empty chemo bags into another bag marked with the hazardous waste symbol.
The whole process took a little over three hours. There is pre-medicine and post-medicine along with the chemo itself. We ate lunch, and watched some Sex and the City. ChoirFriend's mom chose to put her iPod on and listen with headphones to some kind of podcast, and we giggled every time the characters engaged in "risque" behavior while mom stared out the window. At one point, she did happen to look up at the TV (while still wearing her headphones)at a particularly compromising moment and blurted "Oh my God!" a mere millisecond before another character walked in and blurted "Oh my God!" We all had a good laugh. For a moment, we weren't at the hospital treating ChoirFriend for cancer.
I stopped by to visit ChoirFriend Thursday night, and she was tired but had avoided throwing up, which was good. I called on Friday, and was happy that she had made it to school for the day. Today, I was shopping at Walmart with Husband and Daughter. I was looking at breast cancer awareness shirts as I walked along the aisle... I was thinking of ChoirFriend, and then - there she was! But she looked so tired. Choirfriend, I know you're reading this - I just wanted to pick you up and put you in my cart and wheel you around.
ChoirFriend is now back home. She has been struggling with feeling tired and sick. She hasn't thrown up, but she doesn't feel good. Her facebook status is "Tough day today... didn't feel good. Am waiting for my hair to fall out. It already feels rough... not looking forward to it. Not sure how to deal with it."
Please pray for ChoirFriend. Her spirit is so in need of peace and strength.
The whole process took a little over three hours. There is pre-medicine and post-medicine along with the chemo itself. We ate lunch, and watched some Sex and the City. ChoirFriend's mom chose to put her iPod on and listen with headphones to some kind of podcast, and we giggled every time the characters engaged in "risque" behavior while mom stared out the window. At one point, she did happen to look up at the TV (while still wearing her headphones)at a particularly compromising moment and blurted "Oh my God!" a mere millisecond before another character walked in and blurted "Oh my God!" We all had a good laugh. For a moment, we weren't at the hospital treating ChoirFriend for cancer.
I stopped by to visit ChoirFriend Thursday night, and she was tired but had avoided throwing up, which was good. I called on Friday, and was happy that she had made it to school for the day. Today, I was shopping at Walmart with Husband and Daughter. I was looking at breast cancer awareness shirts as I walked along the aisle... I was thinking of ChoirFriend, and then - there she was! But she looked so tired. Choirfriend, I know you're reading this - I just wanted to pick you up and put you in my cart and wheel you around.
ChoirFriend is now back home. She has been struggling with feeling tired and sick. She hasn't thrown up, but she doesn't feel good. Her facebook status is "Tough day today... didn't feel good. Am waiting for my hair to fall out. It already feels rough... not looking forward to it. Not sure how to deal with it."
Please pray for ChoirFriend. Her spirit is so in need of peace and strength.
Friday, October 15, 2010
My Phone Returns!
Less than twelve hours after the "all is forgiven" post, my phone returns. Coincidence? I think not.
Husband told me to try again at the office, so I did. I stopped in just before 8 a.m. and, in a last ditch effort, looked in drawers. And there it was. Strange, right? I hardly use the office, I'm only there a few hours each week.
But as I walked back to the car, at 8 a.m. my phone's alarm goes off! So here's what I think happened... Thursday morning, someone walks by the office and thinks, "What is that horrible noise?" They see this loud, beeping phone, and they throw it in a drawer. I run in an hour later, search the obvious places in a frenzy, and run out.
It is also entirely possible that in an absent-minded moment I put the phone in the drawer myself and then walked out. Regardless, my phone is back!
Husband told me to try again at the office, so I did. I stopped in just before 8 a.m. and, in a last ditch effort, looked in drawers. And there it was. Strange, right? I hardly use the office, I'm only there a few hours each week.
But as I walked back to the car, at 8 a.m. my phone's alarm goes off! So here's what I think happened... Thursday morning, someone walks by the office and thinks, "What is that horrible noise?" They see this loud, beeping phone, and they throw it in a drawer. I run in an hour later, search the obvious places in a frenzy, and run out.
It is also entirely possible that in an absent-minded moment I put the phone in the drawer myself and then walked out. Regardless, my phone is back!
Thursday, October 14, 2010
Dear Phone. All Is Forgiven. Please Come Back.
Dear Phone,
Looking back, I can see why you left me. I'm sure you were tired of me dropping you as I got out of the car, forgetting that you were on my lap and then swearing as your battery flew across the parking lot. It wasn't right of me to call you a stupid phone when you dropped that call with my mom the other day. And I know I'm constantly implying that I wish you were smart. But phone, oh phone, now that you're gone...
I've been with your SIM card for 10 years! You were my first! We made a promise to each other! Please! I can't make it through the weekend without you!
All day, you were on my mind. This morning, when I wanted to call the office, I thought of you. When I wanted to call ChoirFriend to tell her to pick me up, I thought of you. When ChoirFriend, her mom and I arrived at the hospital, and I wanted to get coffee, but you could only use cash, and I had no cash, and there was a cash machine, but my pin is in your inbox because Husband had to text it to me when I was in Europe, I thought of you. When ChoirFriend wanted a picture of her getting her chemo, I thought of you. When I wanted to call Husband and see when he would be home, I thought of you. When I wanted to text co-coach, I thought of you.
At one point, I felt a phantom vibration in my pocket. I put my hand in my pocket... but you weren't there.
Today was a really crap-o day for you to throw this tantrum. ChoirFriend was getting chemo today and I really didn't have time to search for you. She did great, by the way, but she is also concerned that you left. Everyone is. Everyone who knows us understands that our separation is killing me. Or worse - slowly driving me crazy.
Phone, please come back. I'm sorry for the mean things I said about you. All is forgiven.
But let me say this. I'm not going to wait around forever. Phone, I'm giving you until Sunday night. And if you don't show up by then, I may be forced to do something drastic. Like buy a new phone. A smart phone. A google phone.
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Looking back, I can see why you left me. I'm sure you were tired of me dropping you as I got out of the car, forgetting that you were on my lap and then swearing as your battery flew across the parking lot. It wasn't right of me to call you a stupid phone when you dropped that call with my mom the other day. And I know I'm constantly implying that I wish you were smart. But phone, oh phone, now that you're gone...
I've been with your SIM card for 10 years! You were my first! We made a promise to each other! Please! I can't make it through the weekend without you!
All day, you were on my mind. This morning, when I wanted to call the office, I thought of you. When I wanted to call ChoirFriend to tell her to pick me up, I thought of you. When ChoirFriend, her mom and I arrived at the hospital, and I wanted to get coffee, but you could only use cash, and I had no cash, and there was a cash machine, but my pin is in your inbox because Husband had to text it to me when I was in Europe, I thought of you. When ChoirFriend wanted a picture of her getting her chemo, I thought of you. When I wanted to call Husband and see when he would be home, I thought of you. When I wanted to text co-coach, I thought of you.
At one point, I felt a phantom vibration in my pocket. I put my hand in my pocket... but you weren't there.
Today was a really crap-o day for you to throw this tantrum. ChoirFriend was getting chemo today and I really didn't have time to search for you. She did great, by the way, but she is also concerned that you left. Everyone is. Everyone who knows us understands that our separation is killing me. Or worse - slowly driving me crazy.
Phone, please come back. I'm sorry for the mean things I said about you. All is forgiven.
But let me say this. I'm not going to wait around forever. Phone, I'm giving you until Sunday night. And if you don't show up by then, I may be forced to do something drastic. Like buy a new phone. A smart phone. A google phone.
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Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Phone-less
As you can tell, I'm a bit scattered lately. When I'm scattered, I tend to speak in not so clear sentences (see?). I had a bit of this random speaking when I left the office today. So I was kicking myself as I went home, telling myself what an idiot I was and how this is the reason why people think I am confusing when I talk.
I was so consumed with what an idiot I was, that I'm 99% sure I left my phone on my desk. Being without your phone overnight is like torture. I don't know why. But it is. I know tomorrow when I pick it up it will have like one text message and one missed call... but still. It's the security blanket, right?
Tonight was small group, and I gotta say, I love those girls. When I talk all confusing-like, they listen. When I tell jokes, they laugh. When I start crying, they get kleenex. It's a nice deal. I promised them small group is a "blog-free" zone, but suffice to say I arrived pissy and left encouraged: God + good girlfriends = attitude transformation.
I was so consumed with what an idiot I was, that I'm 99% sure I left my phone on my desk. Being without your phone overnight is like torture. I don't know why. But it is. I know tomorrow when I pick it up it will have like one text message and one missed call... but still. It's the security blanket, right?
Tonight was small group, and I gotta say, I love those girls. When I talk all confusing-like, they listen. When I tell jokes, they laugh. When I start crying, they get kleenex. It's a nice deal. I promised them small group is a "blog-free" zone, but suffice to say I arrived pissy and left encouraged: God + good girlfriends = attitude transformation.
(Un)righteous Anger
Today was a bit of a continuous, unjustified rant.
It all started with my 8 a.m. journal meeting. To make said meeting, I have to leave my home at 6:30 a.m. I woke up at 6 a.m. I didn't have time to put make-up on. Daughter and I left at 6:45 a.m. I was fifteen minutes late to journal. When you are fifteen minutes late, you don't get coffee. You have to wait until the meeting is over.
So I'm tired. I'm feeling fat. I'm feeling ugly. I'm feeling uncaffeinated. And to what should my wondering eyes appear? An uber hot, uber peppy business rep. giving a forty-five minute presentation on her product.
We're not talking Homecoming Queen hot. We're talking size 2 with perfect hair and nails and a little bit of a valley girl accent. She's obviously smart, she's a law school graduate, she can't be over 30, and she's doing a flawless presentation. My hatred of her is totally unwarranted and undeserved. It's not her fault she's perfect! And yet, the thought of her chipper voice coming from behind her pearly whites framed by precisely-painted lips causes my eyes to roll and my finger to uncontrollably move past my tongue and towards the back of my throat...
From there, Casanova and I were studying. Casanova asks innocently enough if I have completed my closing statement for class. I glare. I icily ask him if he has read the syllabus. He innocently asks if I have. I stare him down and give a stiff, YES.
I have the syllabus. It's in my bag right next to me. But I'm just so pissed that he would even suggest the most horrible thought that I misread the assignment and didn't prepare a closing argument, that I can't even function. I am afraid to look at that dang syllabus for FEAR that he is correct.
Luckily for me (and on some level, Casanova), we did not have to do a closing statement. I apologized to Casanova for overreacting a little, and THH made a crack to the effect of, "that was way more than a little over-reaction!" to which I turned and gave him an icy stare of DEATH.
My third and final victim was Rebecca at Lia Sophia. A few, er, months ago I ordered some Lia Sophia jewelry. The first day I wore my $34 necklace, it broke. I was irritated. I had 120 days to return it and get a free replacement, minus the cost of mailing the dang thing.
I think I ordered the necklace around April. So yes, my time has expired. After 120 days, I just need to add a $5 shipping and handling charge. Simple enough. And yet... and yet the day I FINALLY got around to preparing the necklace for mailing, I was in "a mood" and I wrote a note that said I Refused to invest any more money in a stupid necklace I wore for less than 24 hours thank-you-very-much. You can keep the necklace or send me a new one but I will NOT send you another $5. After about 2 weeks of sitting in my purse waiting for a trip to the post office, the dang thing finally was mailed out on Friday.
Today, Rebecca left a message on my voice mail that said she "lacked the authority to waive the $5 and that if I wanted, she could forward this on to her supervisors, but that she herself was unable" to help me. Her voice sounded strangely perfect, perhaps she is related to this morning's peppy business rep. I called her back, mind you I had night class so I am driving home at 9:15 p.m., and I left a lengthy message.
It was in a nice tone. The kind of nice crazy people use when they are threatening you but they don't want to draw attention from nearby cops. I think I said something to the effect that I didn't care what they did with the necklace, that whatever they did I was going to blog about it, and that yes, I wanted it sent up the ladder for consideration by a supervisor.
You know you aren't holding many cards when your biggest threat is that you are going to blog about it. Especially in my case, when all it means is that a dozen people now think I'm a stubborn idiot and are taking up a collection to raise $5 to un-ransom my necklace.
And look. It's 12:30 a.m. Time to call it a day! To quote a great theologian: SERENITY NOW!
It all started with my 8 a.m. journal meeting. To make said meeting, I have to leave my home at 6:30 a.m. I woke up at 6 a.m. I didn't have time to put make-up on. Daughter and I left at 6:45 a.m. I was fifteen minutes late to journal. When you are fifteen minutes late, you don't get coffee. You have to wait until the meeting is over.
So I'm tired. I'm feeling fat. I'm feeling ugly. I'm feeling uncaffeinated. And to what should my wondering eyes appear? An uber hot, uber peppy business rep. giving a forty-five minute presentation on her product.
We're not talking Homecoming Queen hot. We're talking size 2 with perfect hair and nails and a little bit of a valley girl accent. She's obviously smart, she's a law school graduate, she can't be over 30, and she's doing a flawless presentation. My hatred of her is totally unwarranted and undeserved. It's not her fault she's perfect! And yet, the thought of her chipper voice coming from behind her pearly whites framed by precisely-painted lips causes my eyes to roll and my finger to uncontrollably move past my tongue and towards the back of my throat...
From there, Casanova and I were studying. Casanova asks innocently enough if I have completed my closing statement for class. I glare. I icily ask him if he has read the syllabus. He innocently asks if I have. I stare him down and give a stiff, YES.
I have the syllabus. It's in my bag right next to me. But I'm just so pissed that he would even suggest the most horrible thought that I misread the assignment and didn't prepare a closing argument, that I can't even function. I am afraid to look at that dang syllabus for FEAR that he is correct.
Luckily for me (and on some level, Casanova), we did not have to do a closing statement. I apologized to Casanova for overreacting a little, and THH made a crack to the effect of, "that was way more than a little over-reaction!" to which I turned and gave him an icy stare of DEATH.
My third and final victim was Rebecca at Lia Sophia. A few, er, months ago I ordered some Lia Sophia jewelry. The first day I wore my $34 necklace, it broke. I was irritated. I had 120 days to return it and get a free replacement, minus the cost of mailing the dang thing.
I think I ordered the necklace around April. So yes, my time has expired. After 120 days, I just need to add a $5 shipping and handling charge. Simple enough. And yet... and yet the day I FINALLY got around to preparing the necklace for mailing, I was in "a mood" and I wrote a note that said I Refused to invest any more money in a stupid necklace I wore for less than 24 hours thank-you-very-much. You can keep the necklace or send me a new one but I will NOT send you another $5. After about 2 weeks of sitting in my purse waiting for a trip to the post office, the dang thing finally was mailed out on Friday.
Today, Rebecca left a message on my voice mail that said she "lacked the authority to waive the $5 and that if I wanted, she could forward this on to her supervisors, but that she herself was unable" to help me. Her voice sounded strangely perfect, perhaps she is related to this morning's peppy business rep. I called her back, mind you I had night class so I am driving home at 9:15 p.m., and I left a lengthy message.
It was in a nice tone. The kind of nice crazy people use when they are threatening you but they don't want to draw attention from nearby cops. I think I said something to the effect that I didn't care what they did with the necklace, that whatever they did I was going to blog about it, and that yes, I wanted it sent up the ladder for consideration by a supervisor.
You know you aren't holding many cards when your biggest threat is that you are going to blog about it. Especially in my case, when all it means is that a dozen people now think I'm a stubborn idiot and are taking up a collection to raise $5 to un-ransom my necklace.
And look. It's 12:30 a.m. Time to call it a day! To quote a great theologian: SERENITY NOW!
Monday, October 11, 2010
Food Thoughts
It is true that when you eat healthier on a more regular basis, your body begins to crave it. I can tell a difference in how I feel over the weekends, when I eat horribly, and during the week when I pack my lunch and eat a lot of salad bar.
Why does the salad bar taste so good, but salad at home seems so blah? I try to buy the same ingredients, but it never tastes as good. Maybe it's the poor lighting at my house, versus the bright lights of cafeterias and restaurants. Maybe it's because salad bars require zero effort from me besides eating, while home salads require preparation.
A major staple for me during the week is different forms of macaroni and cheese. I buy the EZ Mac, the Betty Crocker noodle bowls, I bring leftover Kraft and Velveeta shells. I order mac and cheese off many menus. I wonder if I'm on the verge of being sick of mac and cheese...
I hid my bananas under a towel last week to hide them from the fruit flies. But now they are kind of old and overripe. (Out of sight, out of mind). I am afraid to look under the towel and see how I've wasted my bananas. So I will let them sit under the towel another day.
There is a giant gummy bear in my fridge. I am kind of sick of seeing it. Husband admitted this weekend it isn't as fun to eat the gummy bear alone. Feel free to come over and eat gummy bear with us. (And yes KT, I still have your bar of chocolate!!!)
And these are random food thoughts.
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Why does the salad bar taste so good, but salad at home seems so blah? I try to buy the same ingredients, but it never tastes as good. Maybe it's the poor lighting at my house, versus the bright lights of cafeterias and restaurants. Maybe it's because salad bars require zero effort from me besides eating, while home salads require preparation.
A major staple for me during the week is different forms of macaroni and cheese. I buy the EZ Mac, the Betty Crocker noodle bowls, I bring leftover Kraft and Velveeta shells. I order mac and cheese off many menus. I wonder if I'm on the verge of being sick of mac and cheese...
I hid my bananas under a towel last week to hide them from the fruit flies. But now they are kind of old and overripe. (Out of sight, out of mind). I am afraid to look under the towel and see how I've wasted my bananas. So I will let them sit under the towel another day.
There is a giant gummy bear in my fridge. I am kind of sick of seeing it. Husband admitted this weekend it isn't as fun to eat the gummy bear alone. Feel free to come over and eat gummy bear with us. (And yes KT, I still have your bar of chocolate!!!)
And these are random food thoughts.
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Sunday, October 10, 2010
Volleyball Mania
Over the years, I have realized something about myself... I love coaching volleyball.
I love the game. I love the girls. I love planning practices. I love arguing with the refs. I love winning. I hate losing. But I love the game!
Perhaps in total and complete defiance of Quest #10, I am planning to run our local club volleyball program. I spent most of the day working on the new blog - friends can check out my facebook page for the links.
I love the game. I love the girls. I love planning practices. I love arguing with the refs. I love winning. I hate losing. But I love the game!
Perhaps in total and complete defiance of Quest #10, I am planning to run our local club volleyball program. I spent most of the day working on the new blog - friends can check out my facebook page for the links.
Saturday, October 9, 2010
Midnight Snack
The teenager came home this weekend, for the first time since he left for college!
The car ride home was great. I had a captive audience for the hour commute home, and it was a nice conversation. Family dinner was fabulous. He left to go to the Homecoming football game. I fell asleep on the couch, so Husband and I went to bed at 9 p.m. Woohoo!
Two hours later I wake up to the dog barking. What the... oh yeah, the teenager must be home! So I get up, and we have a nighttime chat just like the old days. Advice for mothers of teenagers: Be available when they want to talk. Which in my case, meant getting up when he got home from work or whatever evening activity he participated in. I got myself some ice cream and a fuzzy blanket and listened as he chattered about life.
So now I'm going to bed, for the second time. G'night!
The car ride home was great. I had a captive audience for the hour commute home, and it was a nice conversation. Family dinner was fabulous. He left to go to the Homecoming football game. I fell asleep on the couch, so Husband and I went to bed at 9 p.m. Woohoo!
Two hours later I wake up to the dog barking. What the... oh yeah, the teenager must be home! So I get up, and we have a nighttime chat just like the old days. Advice for mothers of teenagers: Be available when they want to talk. Which in my case, meant getting up when he got home from work or whatever evening activity he participated in. I got myself some ice cream and a fuzzy blanket and listened as he chattered about life.
So now I'm going to bed, for the second time. G'night!
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Cancer.
On September 22, a Wednesday night, I got a text from ChoirFriend asking if I had time to talk on the phone. I said sure, and she called. I was walking across my living room when she casually dropped the news that she found a lump that morning in the shower.
My knees gave way, I sat hard on the window seat and just about fell through the picture window.
We didn't freak out. People find lumps all the time that turn out to be harmless cysts. She went to her doctor, then scheduled a mammogram and ultrasound for the following Tuesday.
At the mammogram and ultrasound, we were confronted with the probability of cancer. We spent the next day getting at the Masonic Cancer Center at the U of M, where a tissue biopsy was taken. The initial biopsy results confirmed Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, the most common type of breast cancer. And the cancer was also in the lymph nodes.
Today, Choirfriend and her mom went to get an MRI. The Cancer Center called later in the day with the rest of the test results: Type II, Grade 3, ER-, with two nodes affected. She is Type II out of four because the cancer has spread to her lymph nodes. Types I-III are early-stage breast cancer because cancer has not spread to distant parts of the body. See here for more info. Grade 3 means the cancer is the fastest of the three grades in rate of growth.
My heart is heavy tonight. The thoughts that I had postponed, just in case they were unnecessary, have come to the forefront of my mind. Chemo. Fatigue. Nausea. Losing hair. ChoirFriend and I share the same fears, but in the end, only one of us has to physically endure them. Sometimes I feel guilty about it. Why her, and not me?
Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Dear Lord, give us the faith and patience to endure for your purpose.
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My knees gave way, I sat hard on the window seat and just about fell through the picture window.
We didn't freak out. People find lumps all the time that turn out to be harmless cysts. She went to her doctor, then scheduled a mammogram and ultrasound for the following Tuesday.
At the mammogram and ultrasound, we were confronted with the probability of cancer. We spent the next day getting at the Masonic Cancer Center at the U of M, where a tissue biopsy was taken. The initial biopsy results confirmed Invasive Ductal Carcinoma, the most common type of breast cancer. And the cancer was also in the lymph nodes.
Today, Choirfriend and her mom went to get an MRI. The Cancer Center called later in the day with the rest of the test results: Type II, Grade 3, ER-, with two nodes affected. She is Type II out of four because the cancer has spread to her lymph nodes. Types I-III are early-stage breast cancer because cancer has not spread to distant parts of the body. See here for more info. Grade 3 means the cancer is the fastest of the three grades in rate of growth.
My heart is heavy tonight. The thoughts that I had postponed, just in case they were unnecessary, have come to the forefront of my mind. Chemo. Fatigue. Nausea. Losing hair. ChoirFriend and I share the same fears, but in the end, only one of us has to physically endure them. Sometimes I feel guilty about it. Why her, and not me?
Romans 8:28: "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."
Dear Lord, give us the faith and patience to endure for your purpose.
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Wednesday, October 6, 2010
Gleeful *Spoiler Alert!* & Small Group
Tonight Daughter and I watched last night's Glee off of the Internet. I was very excited, having not seen it yet. The show comes on and Daughter says, "Father." I say yes, that's his father. She looks at me and says, "He dies."
Great. Apparently Daughter saw the show last night.
Surprisingly, the father didn't die after all. I did my share of crying anyways. When Sue talks about her sister with Down syndrome, and how she used to pray every night that God would make her sister better, I started bawling. Daughter, not understanding why I'm crying (or maybe totally understanding), runs over to me and says "It's OK mother! Shhhh. It's OK!" (Click here to see some footage, to a song, of Sue, her sister, and Becky)
It is really neat to be able to see Down syndrome portrayed in such a cool way in prime time. I have a lot of Sue in me. Over the past few months I have been having a lot of growth in how I view Daughter, and her contributions to society. She has an amazing gift for touching hearts. Tonight, she again had a "Super Prayer," where she is so excited about what she is saying that she can barely contain all her job. I began to pray like her, to tease her, but as I continued I began to feel happier. Try it sometime. Drop the "holy voice," and belt out every word! Laugh and smile and burst with joy as you talk to God.
On another note, tonight I went to Small Group with KatWoman, ShowGirl, and HotNurse. We've been meeting for three weeks, and tonight was really fun. We laughed until we cried! It's great to meet with real women who allow you to share your heart.
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Great. Apparently Daughter saw the show last night.
Surprisingly, the father didn't die after all. I did my share of crying anyways. When Sue talks about her sister with Down syndrome, and how she used to pray every night that God would make her sister better, I started bawling. Daughter, not understanding why I'm crying (or maybe totally understanding), runs over to me and says "It's OK mother! Shhhh. It's OK!" (Click here to see some footage, to a song, of Sue, her sister, and Becky)
It is really neat to be able to see Down syndrome portrayed in such a cool way in prime time. I have a lot of Sue in me. Over the past few months I have been having a lot of growth in how I view Daughter, and her contributions to society. She has an amazing gift for touching hearts. Tonight, she again had a "Super Prayer," where she is so excited about what she is saying that she can barely contain all her job. I began to pray like her, to tease her, but as I continued I began to feel happier. Try it sometime. Drop the "holy voice," and belt out every word! Laugh and smile and burst with joy as you talk to God.
On another note, tonight I went to Small Group with KatWoman, ShowGirl, and HotNurse. We've been meeting for three weeks, and tonight was really fun. We laughed until we cried! It's great to meet with real women who allow you to share your heart.
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Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Quest #11: Paralyzed by Perfection
The events that prompted this analysis of perfection? I got a less-than-perfect score in class today, and I almost cried. Yesterday, I spent close to three hours revising and perfecting journal entries - past midnight! - when all reason said I should just hand them in. Last week, I was unable to do an hour of "light editing" as requested, and spent nine hours revising a paper. I have a problem.
I took this "Are you a Perfectionist" test. I scored an 83 out of 100. An 83 means I am "bound by the cuffs of perfectionism." I set impossibly high standards that can never be met, and I impose these expectations on myself and others. I believe others expect me to be perfect.
It's all true. I am a prisoner of perfection!
Another website provided suggestions to address my perfectionism:
Steps to Defeat Perfectionism with Excellence
1. Set a goal to rebalance or reprioritize your life and get someone to hold you accountable to changing. Freetobeme350.blogspot.com
2. Admit that you're imperfect and be honest with those you trust about your struggles and needs. I am imperfect!
3. Be balanced. You're a human being, not a human doing. There is more to life than what you can accomplish. Family, friends, and fun are important too.
4. Step out of the performance trap by separating personhood from performance. You (and others) are loveable and valuable for who you are, with your unique personality, gifts, dreams, feelings, experiences. Hold your head high and develop good self-esteem!
5. Don't "should" on yourself or others. Instead of making demands or unreasonable expectations on people and yourself take an attitude of "I would like to" "I'm going to work towards." "I'd appreciate it if you could"
6. Beginning is half done, so get started on realizing your goals. Don't let yourself procrastinate on your priority goals or you'll be moving towards failure.
7. Strive to do an excellent job at what is most important to you, remembering that excellent means "very good," not perfect.
8. When you're working on a project remember to enjoy the process.
9. When you do a good job feel proud of yourself. When someone compliments you say thank you.
10. Realize that no matter what your past failures and sins may be God loves you and offers his forgiveness to you through Jesus Christ. (Read John 3:16, Romans 8:1, and 1 John 1:9.)
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I took this "Are you a Perfectionist" test. I scored an 83 out of 100. An 83 means I am "bound by the cuffs of perfectionism." I set impossibly high standards that can never be met, and I impose these expectations on myself and others. I believe others expect me to be perfect.
It's all true. I am a prisoner of perfection!
Another website provided suggestions to address my perfectionism:
Steps to Defeat Perfectionism with Excellence
1. Set a goal to rebalance or reprioritize your life and get someone to hold you accountable to changing. Freetobeme350.blogspot.com
2. Admit that you're imperfect and be honest with those you trust about your struggles and needs. I am imperfect!
3. Be balanced. You're a human being, not a human doing. There is more to life than what you can accomplish. Family, friends, and fun are important too.
4. Step out of the performance trap by separating personhood from performance. You (and others) are loveable and valuable for who you are, with your unique personality, gifts, dreams, feelings, experiences. Hold your head high and develop good self-esteem!
5. Don't "should" on yourself or others. Instead of making demands or unreasonable expectations on people and yourself take an attitude of "I would like to" "I'm going to work towards." "I'd appreciate it if you could"
6. Beginning is half done, so get started on realizing your goals. Don't let yourself procrastinate on your priority goals or you'll be moving towards failure.
7. Strive to do an excellent job at what is most important to you, remembering that excellent means "very good," not perfect.
8. When you're working on a project remember to enjoy the process.
9. When you do a good job feel proud of yourself. When someone compliments you say thank you.
10. Realize that no matter what your past failures and sins may be God loves you and offers his forgiveness to you through Jesus Christ. (Read John 3:16, Romans 8:1, and 1 John 1:9.)
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Monday, October 4, 2010
Overcoming the Bol
Tonight, I really wanted a Chipotle Burrito Bol.
I wanted one so bad, that twice I attempted to convince innocent friends that they, too, wanted to go to Chipotle. Which wouldn't seem so bad, except I wanted to go at 8 p.m. It was calling to me...
The little Betty Crocker noodle bowl seemed so typical, so blah. After being rejected by TreevHuggin' Hippie and Casanova, I convinced myself it would be ridiculous to put off the commute home for another thirty minutes just so I could stuff myself with delicious rice, sour cream and cheese...
Now that I'm home, stuffed full of four cheese macaroni, I am glad I packed my meal... and ate it!
I wanted one so bad, that twice I attempted to convince innocent friends that they, too, wanted to go to Chipotle. Which wouldn't seem so bad, except I wanted to go at 8 p.m. It was calling to me...
The little Betty Crocker noodle bowl seemed so typical, so blah. After being rejected by TreevHuggin' Hippie and Casanova, I convinced myself it would be ridiculous to put off the commute home for another thirty minutes just so I could stuff myself with delicious rice, sour cream and cheese...
Now that I'm home, stuffed full of four cheese macaroni, I am glad I packed my meal... and ate it!
Sunday, October 3, 2010
Sunday Sighs
My typical weekend goes like this: Friday FUNday! Saturday still Fun! Sunday STINKS like the dead animal your dog puked up onto your bedroom floor. (But that's another story)
I like to leave all my stress for Sunday. Throughout Saturday night my brain begins to subconsciously buzz with the to-do lists, and I awake Sunday morning a vicious bear. Husband and Daughter flee my wrath.
Well, Husband is smart enough to flee my wrath. But in his efforts to protect himself, he leaves Daughter behind, who like a lamb to the slaughter asks me in her most perky happy voice, "HI MOM! DID YOU SLEEP WELL? I'M HAPPY!"
SIGH.
With every muscle in my body tense I rush past her to the bathroom. No fatalities before church.
Our church has a breakfast cafe, and daughter grabs a napkin with a slice of banana bread. During the sermon she begins to eat it like a taco, trying to slurp the bread off of the napkin that is rolled around it. Crumbs are cascading out the end of the napkin. Even Husband notices, and gives her a nudge to adjust her feeding frenzy. She finishes the bread without incident, but I notice she has a piece of bread stuck on the inside of her leg.
I silently mime that she has something on her leg.
She thinks I'm telling her to close her legs, and smoooshes the bread between her thighs.
I give a look of exasperation and mime that she should open her legs and get rid of the bread.
She opens her legs, sees the smooshed bread ... and eats it.
My jaw dropped, and Husband is now silently shaking as he laughs at my distress.
SIGH.
Oh well. The most stressful day of the week is almost over...
I like to leave all my stress for Sunday. Throughout Saturday night my brain begins to subconsciously buzz with the to-do lists, and I awake Sunday morning a vicious bear. Husband and Daughter flee my wrath.
Well, Husband is smart enough to flee my wrath. But in his efforts to protect himself, he leaves Daughter behind, who like a lamb to the slaughter asks me in her most perky happy voice, "HI MOM! DID YOU SLEEP WELL? I'M HAPPY!"
SIGH.
With every muscle in my body tense I rush past her to the bathroom. No fatalities before church.
Our church has a breakfast cafe, and daughter grabs a napkin with a slice of banana bread. During the sermon she begins to eat it like a taco, trying to slurp the bread off of the napkin that is rolled around it. Crumbs are cascading out the end of the napkin. Even Husband notices, and gives her a nudge to adjust her feeding frenzy. She finishes the bread without incident, but I notice she has a piece of bread stuck on the inside of her leg.
I silently mime that she has something on her leg.
She thinks I'm telling her to close her legs, and smoooshes the bread between her thighs.
I give a look of exasperation and mime that she should open her legs and get rid of the bread.
She opens her legs, sees the smooshed bread ... and eats it.
My jaw dropped, and Husband is now silently shaking as he laughs at my distress.
SIGH.
Oh well. The most stressful day of the week is almost over...
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Assessing September, Goals for October
September 2010 will go down in the books for its share of life-changing events:
1) The teenager moving to college.
2) The birth of my first niece.
3) Choirfriend being diagnosed with breast cancer.
No wonder I'm so tired! This week I regressed on almost each quest, and picked up a few new bad habits:
1) I didn't pack my lunch once this week. I ate out, ate big, and feel like a mobile tub of lard. Reminds me of my bloated sheep days.
2) My back pain has come back. Could be stress. Could be the high humidity. Could be the fact that I haven't done my back exercises in quite some time.
3) I am over-scheduled, and have been prone to youtube sessions where I google search sad country songs to express my cancer grief. These youtube sessions tend to occur in the morning and make me late for my first "real" appointment.
4) My potty mouth has kind of been on fire. Husband teased me in college for having a mouth like a sailor, and generally I try to keep my cussing to a minimum. I need to control my tongue a little better - more hope and encouragement, less gossip, complaining and bitching (see what I mean?).
5) The Scary Room seems to be leaking out of the confines of its four walls and creeping into my bedroom, the living, etc. Eeek! Hopefully I'll have some time tomorrow to combat that.
For October, I want to:
1) Pack my lunch three times per week.
2) Do my back exercises daily, for at least ten minutes.
3) Get a minimum of seven hours of sleep each night.
4) Think about any calendar events for 24 hours before adding them.
5) Carve out time to enjoy Homecoming with the teenager, sneak off to visit SweetNiece, and eat ice cream with ChoirFriend.
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1) The teenager moving to college.
2) The birth of my first niece.
3) Choirfriend being diagnosed with breast cancer.
No wonder I'm so tired! This week I regressed on almost each quest, and picked up a few new bad habits:
1) I didn't pack my lunch once this week. I ate out, ate big, and feel like a mobile tub of lard. Reminds me of my bloated sheep days.
2) My back pain has come back. Could be stress. Could be the high humidity. Could be the fact that I haven't done my back exercises in quite some time.
3) I am over-scheduled, and have been prone to youtube sessions where I google search sad country songs to express my cancer grief. These youtube sessions tend to occur in the morning and make me late for my first "real" appointment.
4) My potty mouth has kind of been on fire. Husband teased me in college for having a mouth like a sailor, and generally I try to keep my cussing to a minimum. I need to control my tongue a little better - more hope and encouragement, less gossip, complaining and bitching (see what I mean?).
5) The Scary Room seems to be leaking out of the confines of its four walls and creeping into my bedroom, the living, etc. Eeek! Hopefully I'll have some time tomorrow to combat that.
For October, I want to:
1) Pack my lunch three times per week.
2) Do my back exercises daily, for at least ten minutes.
3) Get a minimum of seven hours of sleep each night.
4) Think about any calendar events for 24 hours before adding them.
5) Carve out time to enjoy Homecoming with the teenager, sneak off to visit SweetNiece, and eat ice cream with ChoirFriend.
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Friday, October 1, 2010
Welcome October!
Well. September was not so much fun.
September 30, ChoirFriend gets the call. It is cancer, and it is in the lymph nodes. Prepared for the first half, hoping against the second half. ChoirFriend is doing generally well. I had a rough day today. I carry my sad around inside, and eventually something entirely random will make me cry gallons. It might be a commercial on TV, or not being able to find my credit card, or getting teased about Cargill... I don't know when, or where, but it's bound to happen.
My assessment of September is that I am EXHAUSTED and need to get back on track with Quest #10.
September 30, ChoirFriend gets the call. It is cancer, and it is in the lymph nodes. Prepared for the first half, hoping against the second half. ChoirFriend is doing generally well. I had a rough day today. I carry my sad around inside, and eventually something entirely random will make me cry gallons. It might be a commercial on TV, or not being able to find my credit card, or getting teased about Cargill... I don't know when, or where, but it's bound to happen.
My assessment of September is that I am EXHAUSTED and need to get back on track with Quest #10.
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